You know you're a new Mama when:

• In a moment of pure exhaustion you dab your baby's bottle to your wrist to check the temperature of his formula, then rub your wrists together and touch them to your neck out of habit... forgetting that you're dealing with milk... not perfume.
• You take a rolled up pair of yoga pants from the hamper, eyeball them and smell them before deciding they are safe to wear just one more time. You're not going anywhere and you don't have time for laundry anyway.
• You know what time is it just from hearing what's on the TV playing in the other room. "In the case of Baby Elijah... Devon.. you ARE the father." Okay, thanks Maury, now I know it's 11AM.
•  You have this conversation at the dinner table and think absolutely nothing of it.

A: Did Toby poop recently?
J: Yes he did (proudly). Just before lunch. Why?
A: Because (trying not to laugh) it's on your neck.
J: Hmm. I wonder how it got there. Oh well, I'll clean it up after lunch.

• You remain shirtless for a good hour after breastfeeding because it's only a matter of time before you need to perform your duties as milkmaid again. Anyway, dressing and undressing is just too much work. 
• You have to check your cell phone to know what day of the week it is (maternity leave messes with my internal clock!)
• You put the baby to sleep and settle down to watch a movie with your husband but end up like this before the opening credits.

Sound asleep

(Disregard my giant milk-jugs, please)