Three. You're breaking my heart.

I won't be able to post this tomorrow, so I'm doing it today. I'm going to get sappy. Turn back now or consider yourself warned.

One thousand ninety six days.
Twenty six thousand three hundred four hours.
One million five hundred seventy eight thousand, two hundred forty minutes.

As of tomorrow, at 3:54 PM, that's how long I've known my son.

Every parent says this but, time goes by so fast. Too fast.

I cannot believe my kid will turn three tomorrow.

Three.

There has been absolutely no part of being Toby's mother that I've hated. Sure, there have been some really hard times, but I don't expect anything to be easy. I certainly didn't see him coming. I had NO idea how much he would change me. How much he would infiltrate my every fiber, every thought, every second. I love him totally and completely.

It's so weird how a person comes to be. You decide to try for a kid and who you get is who you get. I often find myself thinking about that. I'll be driving to work and I'll think, "If we had waited one more month, or one more day, or even one more hour, we would have some other little stranger. I wouldn't have my Toby." Granted, I'd have some other little person and I wouldn't know the difference but it's so weird to think about. Toby is just right for us; for me.

Three.

In three years my life has changed so completely. When he wakes up in the morning, it always strikes me that I missed him while he slept. Sometimes, when I look at him, I'm so overcome by emotion that I almost can't bare his face. Sometimes, looking at him is like looking at the sun. How is it possible that I've felt more alive in the past three years than I did in the first thirty something? How is it possible that an eight hour work day drags on and on but three years goes so fast?

Three.

Three makes me so sad. For some reason three has been a really hard pill to swallow. One didn't bother me. Two was a piece of cake. But three. He's a person now. He talks in full sentences. He's starting to dress himself. He hasn't worn a diaper for over 6 months. He doesn't use a high-chair. He sleeps in a big boy bed. He asks for what he wants. He's three. I feel as though he's more of a boy and less of a baby.

In three years Toby has grown and is thriving. In three years my whole world has been redefined. I'm not usually at a loss for words but, I can't even grasp what he's done to me.

He has changed absolutely everything.

I keep saying I never saw him coming. But, for those who knew me before I had Toby completely understand what that means. I have always been a person to strive to accomplish more. More education, more time, more letters behind my name, and a better career. I viewed life as a destination. Not a journey.

From the moment I met Toby, he was enough. He has always been enough.

Three.

Three is so fun. And frustrating. And bittersweet. And humbling. And exhausting. But, he's so curious and kind and energetic. He takes me to task in a way nobody else can. Raising him has been the most rewarding journey of my life.

He's three. He's intoxicating and infuriating. He makes me want to sob and laugh. He both fills and breaks my heart. He confuses the hell out of me. He is enough. He's more than enough. He's all I want.

This morning at breakfast he said, "Mama, you luff me big much." 

He's totally right. Big much.
Happy Birthday to my sweet boy. Thank you, Toby, for everything.

To view his first year slideshow, click here
To view his second year slideshow, click here

Toby's Surprise Day

Every year, around Toby's birthday, Aaron and I like to take a day off and do something fun; just the three of us. Toby was born on a Wednesday so, we always do it the Wednesday before his birthday.

This year we went to Boston for the day. We're lucky that Boston is less than an hour away and we have so many options of fun things to choose from! We didn't plan Boston by accident, it was actually very strategic in that Boston is home to THE ONE AND ONLY CURIOUS GEORGE STORE!  If you know my kid you know how he feels about "Ah-Ah."

On Saturday May 16th, to kick off his birthday, we had a family party at our house. This year's theme was Curious George and it was ADORABLE. But, more on that later. We still have a few things up our sleeve for his actual birthday on Saturday May 23rd, but we had been planning this particular day for months.

As of Tuesday night, he had NO CLUE what was to come the next morning. He knew he had a special surprise but, other than that, he knew nothing. He woke up and said, "It's my surprise day!"

When Aaron asked him what he wanted for breakfast, he said "pupcakes" (pancakes)
so, he and Dada made them!

Then we packed a lunch and headed to the New England Aquarium. He was SO excited!

He loved the touch and feel tank except when the man scooped up a hermit crab. Toby immediately told him sternly, "Put him back. He goes in water! You'll hurt him!" (He has such a big heart!)

 After we spent the morning at the aquarium, we ventured out into the beautiful city of Boston for the second part of Toby's "surprise" day.

What would a trip to Boston be without a ride on the carousel?

 

And, in case you're wondering what I would look like if I was a three-year-old-boy,
see picture above.

After the carousel, Toby informed us that, despite a huge breakfast and non-stop snacking, he needed a pretzel. Today we met all of his demands. So, off to Fanuiel Hall/Quincy Market we went

That pretzel was yummy but, an ice cream would certainly hit the spot!

For the final surprise we headed to Harvard Square in Cambridge...

Yes, there is a store, devoted entirely to Curious George. It's the only one in the world, in fact.

It was basically Toby's Disneyland.

Unfortunately, the Curious George in the airplane wasn't for sale. I mean, not that I asked or insisted, or tried to grease their palm or anything. I'm just, you know, assuming that it's not for sale. They probably wouldn't even sell it for brand new crisp one hundred dollar bill if it was offered to them. Allegedly.

Toby didn't ask for anything in the store. We couldn't believe it! He was just so happy to be there. So, we took it upon ourselves to purchase a few little souvenirs for him. Nothing huge... just a couple of toothbrushes and a magnet.

On the way back the car Toby found a "castle" near Harvard (his future Alma Mata) and wanted to go knock on the door. 

He certainly felt like a king for the day. He fell asleep before we hit the highway to come back home. When we got back to town and we asked him what he wanted for dinner, he said "Pizza!"

Which he ate in his new big-boy chair.

It was a perfect day and I'm really loving the tradition of making a day of fun for him.

What I'm not liking is that my baby is THREE. Time goes too fast.

"Hufflepuff!" -The Sorting Hat

If you have no idea what the title means, then move along; don't waste your time reading this because you obviously haven't read Harry Potter... and we probably shouldn't be friends.

In the series, the Sorting Hat is an old hat that sorts first year students into one of the four respective houses. Hufflepuff is known as being the house valuing hard work, patience, loyalty, and fair play rather than focusing on a particular aptitude in its members. Hufflepuffs value the group as a whole and are known for tolerance. Hufflepuff is the house of general human decency and kindness. Sadly, the Hufflepuff house gets almost as much hate as Slytherin.

If you think about it, J.K Rowling pretty much covered society in defining the four houses; we all fit somewhere and life pretty much sorts you. People who know anything about Harry Potter and the four houses, have probably mentally sorted their friends and family. Or maybe you haven't... and that's just me.

Anyway, I digress. Today, I realized my son is a Hufflepuff.

From the moment he woke, Toby said he wanted to go for a hike at the "Bird Bond" (Audubon Center.) It's no exaggeration when I say we've probably been there about 40 times since he was born. He loves it there. I love it there. So we go there. A lot.

Whenever we go, we must cross a small footbridge in order to get to the hiking trails. Anytime we cross any footbridge (anywhere) we always say, "Tromp! Tromp! Tromp! Who's that tromping on my bridge?!" which is a reference to the Three Billy Goats Gruff. (If you haven't read that classic children's story either, you might as well go back to bed and just start life over.) Today, as he approached the bridge he said, "Mama! Today Toby be the troll!" (Meaning, he wanted to say "Tromp! Tromp! Tromp!" all by himself.) I said, "Okay, Bud. Today you can be the mean old Troll."

I don't know if I can properly communicate what happened next, and some may think it's petty, but I'm incredibly proud. Toby stopped walking and turned to look at me. The look in his eyes made him seem years older than three. What he said next, completely schooled me. It is a moment I want to remember forever.

"Mama, the troll isn't mean. Him sad. Him can't live in a house and him hungry under his bridge. The troll is sad, Mama, him is not mean."

At three-years-old, my son has a clue about the human condition. He has empathy and insight. The world can be tough, and often people walk around in judgement of others; so nearsighted and intolerant. I hope Toby never loses that part of him that sees beyond the obvious.

My kid is a Hufflepuff and I'm so proud.