Happy Halloween, Oui?

It's Wednesday, Oui? My favorite day of the week. As promised I will post about something wonderful, lovely, magnificent, and happy. Additionally, it just so happens, my very favorite holiday in the whole wide world is... drum roll... Halloween!!!! It falls on a Wednesday this year! How lucky am I?

In this picture, aside from Aaron and me and my raspberry beer, is Bing's curious ear in the corner. He has to steal my thunder everytime! This picture makes me happy, so it belongs on Wednesday, Oui?

Many have asked the significance of the "Oui." Well, in case you didn't know, and I am sure all of you do- but that's confirmation bias so I will pretend that you don't, "Oui" is French for "yes." Although English is my first (only) language, I often end a sentence with "Yes?" -even if it's not a question. Why you ask? I couldn't tell you. It's just one of my many malfunctions. Wednesday's have a very significant meaning for Aaron and me, one which I will not elaborate here because it is our story, our secret, it will be saved with the many things too precious and personal to publicize. Anyway, one day, while feeling particularly clever, I said to Aaron "it's Wednesday, Oui?" He replied, " Oui!!" (this all took place within ear-shot of my sister, which was a mistake because she, along with bats and dogs, can hear everything) Nicki heard that, latched on to it, and teases me every Wednesday. She will begin every Wednesday phone call with, "it's Wednesday, Oui?"

Have you ever seen a cuter spider? No you haven't. How delicious are my boys?

I will be sure to post more Halloween pictures tomorrow.

So my dear readers, it's Wednesday AND Halloween, Oui?

1+1=2 1+2=3 2+3=5

Aaron teaches me something new every day, and you know I am insatiable when it comes to knowledge. Yesterday he taught me how to multiply by 9 using your fingers, and tonight he taught me about the Fibonacci code. And to think; I used to hate math.

Do you know what today is?

When Aaron has a race that's the first question he asks me when he wakes up in the morning. He will open his sleepy green eyes, look over at me, and with a smile that makes me want to eat his face for breakfast asks:

A: Do you know what today is?
J: Race Day!

And so goes our morning of packing up all Aaron's equipment and race paraphernalia. This Sunday we went to Canton, Massachusetts for a cyclocross race. Aaron does several types of racing; mountain bike races (self-explanatory), road-races (Lance Armstrong stuff) and cyclocross (in my opinion, a cross between mountain/road.) We had a great time, and this was his first cross race of the season. He did very well.

Following the race, we drove through Boston and decided to stop for a bite to eat at the restaurant that sponsors Aaron's team. Legal Sea Food is right on the water near the harbor. The food was amazing (but pricey) and the atmosphere was to die for! I had a great weekend and enjoyed watching Aaron race. It was a brisk but beautiful day.

Just as they were taking off. Aaron is in the middle in the Legal Sea Food kit.

One of the barriers they have to jump. I know, it's so hott!

There were fake wolves on the field. Why? I don't know but I loved them!

Outside of Legal Sea Food- one of our sponsors.

The food was amazing. We started off with coffee and rolls, then fish chowder for me- clam for him; followed by coconut shrimp, and for entrees I got fish and chips-- with the fisherman's platter for him. We finished with an amazing chocolate pudding cake!

After eating entirely too much, us, in front of the harbor.

Harvest Time- Part II

Okay, so I think I'm ready but, I make no promises that this will make sense to anyone. I just need to write it. It has been 16 days since I went in for surgery, and just over two months since I was told I might possibly save a life. Since the latter, I have not been able to get the thought of my recipient out of my mind.

I was really hoping Aaron would post about this, as he was witness to the entire process except the surgery, so he knows better about what happened than I; but I will tell you what I know.

On October 10 my father and Aaron drove me down to Boston where we checked into the Longwood Best Western. I have to say, we got star treatment. Our rooms were enormous, and we had valet and bellhop services. I felt like a really important person. My dad was beside himself-- those of you who know my dad, Richard, know that he loves special treatment.

After we settled in, we went down to the hotel's restaurant. I was much too worried to eat, but I didn't want my dad or Aaron to worry so I ordered a huge meal and just picked at it. During dinner I got a call from my sister, who immediately said, "you are scared aren't you?" She was the first person to ask me that, and yes, I was!!! (She and I have this telepathy, one would think we are twins!) I talked to her briefly during dinner as she tried to calm my fears. Minutes later Aaron's brother Matt called to wish me luck. He calls me "little one", and I absolutely love that. He too tried to calm my fears and told me there was nothing to worry about. We finished eating and then went upstairs to our rooms.

My whole life I have never been a "sleeper." I call a 5 hour night a good one, but this night, I fell right to sleep; none of the usual tossing and turning business. When our alarm went off at 5:00 am, and I thought, "okay Jessi, time to save a life." (now with the exception of medical professionals, and people in uniform, what "layperson" gets to say that?)

On October 11, at 5:30 am, I checked into Brigham and Woman's Teaching Hospital for my surgery. I was told to go to a waiting room where there were a ton of people for such an early hour. I waited (in utter anticipation) for about 20 minutes for a nurse to come out to get me. I thought I was going in for surgery but, she only took some blood to do yet another infectious disease test, and sent me back to the waiting room. (One thing I can say is that I know for a fact-- by 4 separate testing days-- that I do not have AIDS, HIV, any forms of Hepatitis, Malaria, EEE, West Nile, Mononucleosis, Lice or any other infectious disease for that matter- so that's a nice thing to know.)

At about 6 o'clock am, they called my name and told me that my dad and Aaron could come too. They brought me into a sterile pre-op prep room where there were several beds separated by curtains. The nurse asked me to get undressed, completely, and to put on the robe thing.

About 10 minutes later all these people showed up. At one point I must have had 10 people standing around me. There were people telling me I needed to sign for a proxy (someone to make the decisions should I be unable to), people hooking me up to machines and IVs, my anesthesiologist came in to introduce himself, my attending nurses, my surgeons, the head anesthesiologist, Peg- my Dana Farber associate who oversaw everything, and many curious nurses were stopping by just to see what all the fuss was about. I am seriously not exaggerating here.

I said goodbye to my dad and Aaron, who were given seats near my bed. They gave me some drugs to calm me as they wheeled me to the operating room. Once there, my surgeons and anesthesiologist stood above me, asked me my name, what I was having done, and told me to relax. My anesthesiologist told me that I was going to feel something really cold and I asked, "besides this room?" thinking I was pretty funny. I wasn't awake long enough to hear if anyone laughed at my clever joke. I went under, and what happened after that only the people in the operating room know.

I can tell you what I suspect did happened.

Once I was put to sleep they intubated me (put that tube down my throat so a machine could breath for me) and they catheterized me- I guess because they were going to pump me so full of fluids they didn't want me to piss the bed. Then they rolled my body over so that I was face to the bed, and both surgeons worked simultaneously putting long thick needles through my lower back- using enough pressure to pierce the bone. They did this 3 times on each side, making 6 holes, and withdrew 1 liter of bone marrow. The whole process took about 3 hours.

I will post from the point I woke up-- up until now at a later point. I am still trying to sort that out in head.

We had to be up really early for the procedure.

Even before I am due to have surgery I still insist on being a neat freak and making the bed, and it wasn't even my bed!!

I wanted to pack up before I left. I didn't want my dad or Aaron to have to come back to the room to be responsible for getting all my things.

This was the beginning of the process at the hospital where I was given my hospital bracelet and they took down the phone numbers of the people who were with me.

Me, changing into that robe. The curtain was closed and Aaron thought he would be discreet and snap one of me changing. When will he learn that you can't get anything past me??!!

This is where I was assigning my proxy to, of course, Nicki. Dana Farber gave me a life insurance policy for, I think, $1 million dollars... so if I died-- Nicki would be rich!

After I was all hooked up and ready to go. Sooo nervous!

Someone cracked a joke to lighten the mood, and I think I was pointing at them and saying "good one."

Youuuuu Whoooo? Where to?

If you haven't voted for where Aaron and I should adventure to next, please do so- the clock is ticking... vote to your right -->

Also, as always, your comments are welcome here. We would love to know your thoughts- and we'd would love to know you stopped by.

Wednesday, Oui?

I love Wednesday's. I love them; it's my very favorite day of the week. So, I have decided that every Wednesday I will devote an entry to something that brings me or Aaron happiness. I can't guarantee a post every week, but it will be about something lovely.

I am happy. I love my life. I love my job. I love my family, both new and old. I love my animals. I feel surrounded by happiness. I am grateful for my health, my friends, and my circumstance. I feel very lucky.

This Wednesday I am thinking of our nephew, Xander, who means absolutely everything to me. He has called me "I'ya" since birth because he couldn't pronounce "Auntie." He absolutely adores his "Uncoo Aaron" who he follows around endlessly and Aaron, of course, loves him. He reinvents my world for me, and is growing up so fast. He is my little man.

I'ya loves you sweetpea. I'm very proud of you, and miss you terribly. You're the best boy ever!!

"Alexander The Great"

The Tale of Baby Shrek

First off, I hate animated movies. For me, they went downhill after The Lion King. I absolutely loved that movie. I much prefer horror or drama and consider animated movies to be a "waste of my time." Although, maybe if I spent a little less time always trying to watch something "educational" I might be a little less high strung. Aaron is forever professing his love for movies like Finding Nemo and Shrek, I will not oblige.

Some of you may know this about me and to some this may come as a surprise. I love McDonald's. I love it, I adore it, and I know it's horrible food- so please no scolding. When I go I always get the same thing: a cheeseburger happy-meal with root beer and I always pick the boy's toy so I can give it to my nephew, Xander. This all has a connection, keep reading.

Around June I went there and got "my usual." The toy this time was particularly interesting to me. It was Shrek, but he was a baby. Now, I have never seen any of the Shrek movies. I don't have 3 hours of time I am willing to devote to a cartoon, which will give me nothing in return. I would much rather watch 3 hours of Forensic Files. But, I have to say, this Baby Shrek appealed to my inner child. I like the little guy; he's very cute. I didn't know his back story as I didn't see the movies, but I wanted to keep him. So, I had a brilliant idea.

Since June, Aaron and I have been playing the game, "Where's Baby Shrek?" I will hide Baby Shrek somewhere in the apartment, leave a clue on the refrigerator and Aaron will find him and re-hide him leaving a new clue on the fridge. But there is a twist... we made his life and his adventures into a story... so the clues are covert (nothing is simple in my life.)

So, for instance, Baby Shrek has to have a story. If someone where to take all the pages we have accumulated and read them, it would read like a blog for Baby Shrek--it all makes sense and is sequential. Second, we put a date and time on every entry so we know how long it takes us to find him. Third, he can only be referred to by his proper name, Baby Shrek. Lastly, all the clues have to read like a story. Here's an example of a clue:

"Once Baby Shrek returned from Maine (where he was for the last clue) he was chilled to the bone by the climate up North. He decided he wanted to go to Grammy Molloy's house where he knew she would keep him safe and warm." (quite often we involve family & friends in the clues)

Now, there are several possibilities there; Maine could be a clue, chilled to the bone, Grammy Molloy's, and safe and warm. All of those point to things around our house. In this case, the baby was actually folded up in a quilt that Aaron's mother "Grammy Molloy" made. Hence, keeping him warm.

I know it sounds bazaar, but it's one of the things that Aaron and I do. It's one of our quirks. Recently, our friend Alli was here and noticed the "story" on our fridge. Once we explained it to her, she too conceded that she and her partner used to do something similar for each other. Not hide a plastic figure from a happy-meal and spend hours detailing his itinerary, but something that the two of them understood and was a bit of a "game."

Quite often I will be at work, and I will get a text from Aaron. It will be a picture of Baby Shrek, who he has found and often I will yell " NOOOOO!!" out loud in my office, as I know it means my hiding spot was too easy, and now I face the challenge of having to find Baby Shrek. This little guy has been more place than I can list here. However I will share a few; Baby Shrek has lived in the bag of flour, in the tank of the toilet, been taped to the track lighting, been found inside the dust cover of the movie Jaws, and is currently hiding... I can't tell you where... Aaron could be reading, laying in wait for that extra clue to sniff out Baby Shrek and defeat me once again!

I have to say, going back and reading this blog, I sound certifiably insane. But the excitement and anticipation I feel when I see Baby Shrek has not only been sniffed out from where I last hid him, but is "on the run again" is well worth the awkwardness of explaining the "Tales of Baby Shrek."

Boo!

At last, I am feeling well enough to go out and about. Being trapped in the house, and virtually immobile, depresses me beyond words. I have lots and lots to write about my surgery/donation, however I'm still feeling much too raw and emotional to discuss it at this time. It was such a profound experience. I *promise* I will write about it in great length as soon as I process it out in my mind. I have received many, many, e-mails asking for details, and I appreciate it. I am NOT ignoring you.


So, that aside, I finally had the opportunity to go to the Keene Pumpkin Festival. As most of you know, Halloween is by far my favorite holiday. Perhaps it's because I am a junk food junky who feels the need for an excuse to binge without guilt. Or, perhaps, it's because I love autumn and masquerading around in costume. Whatever the case may be, I went to the Pumpkin Festival for the first time. I have always wanted to go, but every year it fell on the same weekend as homecoming in Orono. I, of course, would choose visiting my family in Maine for homecoming so, alas, I have never been able to go. This year however, all the stars aligned and Aaron and I made the trip.

Unfortunately (sigh) our camera batteries died so we were forced to take pictures with Aaron's camera phone. I apologize for the poor quality; which at first baffled me because Aaron has the "chocolate phone" which takes amazing pictures and it's brand-spanking-new!?! I now realize it's because we forgot to take that little piece of protective saran-wrap off the "lens" (Nicki, I can hear you laughing all the way from Maine.)


The city of Keene encourages people to take the pumpkins home with them following the festival, as it helps with disposal. There were 25,644 pumpkins there this year, all carved in their full splendor. I, of course, took two. One of an alien carved into the pumpkin and the other, of a ghost and the word "BOO." Some of the pumpkins were truly amazing. Unfortunately for Aaron, I had to have two-- both very large. He carried them back to the car (I still can't lift anything over 5 lbs.) So, kudos to Aaron who wants me to be happy, and the enormous monstrosities disguised as pumpkins had to come home with me. True love is him carrying them around the city of Keene, while I made sure "they were really the ones I had to have." (I'm not spoiled, I swear- it only sounds that way :)

Some fun facts:

**WARNING** Do not proceed if you hate useless information. I live and breath for it, so I just assume most of the free world needs to acquire this information that has absolutely no value.

• The following is a list of colors associated with Halloween and their purported symbolism.

Black- death, night, witches, black cats, bats, vampires.
Orange- pumpkins, jack o' lanterns, Autumn, the turning leaves, fire.
Purple- night, the supernatural, mysticism,
Green- goblins, monsters, zombies, aliens.
White- ghosts, mummy, a full moon.
Red- blood, fire, demons, Satan.

• Two U.S cities have claimed the status of "Halloween Capitals"- Salem, Massachusetts and Anoka, Minnesota, who held the first Halloween celebration in 1921. (If you have never been to Salem, I totally recommend it-- it is amazing, both historically and culturally.)


• Although some religions offer alternatives to Halloween (such as a fall festivals, or harvest themed gatherings) many people associate no negative significance to Halloween, treating it as a purely secular holiday devoted to “imaginary spooks,” children, and candy.


• There was an estimated 36.1 million potential trick-or-treater's in 2006.


• Halloween is the country's second largest commercial holiday with approximately $6.9 billion spent annually-- surpassed, of course, by Christmas.
  
• While most people assume Halloween is a satanic holiday, it's roots date back to mid-evil times when the 31st of October was considered to be a time when the "cold season" began which, for many, also meant a time of death. While it wasn't called Halloween, it was a time when the dead were honored. Many Celts believed that this day (originally acknowledged on November 1) blurred the boundaries between the living and dead.


• Halloween traditions are similar to those of "Dias de Muertes" (Day of the Dead- Mexico) and "All Saints Day/ All Souls Day" although less religiously/culturally/hystorically rooted and sanctioned.

I know, I am a wicked "facts & figures" type of girl.

**For more facts on Halloween click here http://www.history.com/minisite.do?content_type=Minisite_Generic&content_type_id=713&display_order=1&mini_id=1076

Doing Okay

I will update in greater detail when I am feeling better. I do want to take a moment to say thank you to the following people:

A special thank you to:

• Aaron: for doing absolutely everything for me... and I mean everything. I could not have done this with out your support.
• Heather: who stopped by with soup and salad from Panera. You're so good to me.
• Mom & Dan: for the beautiful flowers.
• Jim & Linda Molloy: for bringing by food and gifts to help me feel better.
• Nicki: for being my proxy and for just being you.
• Dad: For driving Aaron and I down to Boston, and for all the special care and gifts.
• My recipient: for reminding me how precious life is and how much I should value my health. I love you and I don't even know you. I hope you are well and I am thinking of you constantly.

Forgive me if I forgot anyone... as I am sure you are all worried about me and wishing me well. When my head clears and I feel better I will post with more details and pictures. Until then, please keep me and my recipient in your prayers and thoughts. It means a lot to me to know you are reading, and caring so much.

XOXOX
Jessi

HERO

Most of you have never heard from me and most of you have never met me. But, you and I both have somethings in common. The love and admiration for the woman that put her life and dreams on the line for another person whom she has never met. I have never known someone who is as selfless as my Jessi. What I have seen her go through in the last few weeks and especially the last 48 hours for a complete stranger has left me in aww. She has made me realize how beautiful and compassionate a human being can and should be for one another. She was my hero before and will always be my hero.

Harvest Time!

So, I have been a little less than forthcoming when it comes to my upcoming surgery. What surgery you ask? Okay, so not forthcoming what-so-ever.

Almost two years ago I was registered in the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP) because someone I knew, with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, badly needed a bone marrow transplant. I was tested to determine if I was an appropriate match-but I wasn't. What did happen was that I was added to the list of potential donors, nationally, and told I was an eligible donor providing I had suitable health until my 61st birthday.

Now, those of you who know me know that I don't just sort of do something. I give it my all.

There is a long story attached to why this cause is so important to me and what I have done to contribute to this cause. However, I won't get into all the details as I consider it my civic duty as a human being. But what I will briefly say is that I have helped (in a very small way) in registering over 750 people into the National Marrow Donor Program and I attended a meeting at the State House in Concord on behalf of New Hampshire families urging NH to pass HB 1452; a bill which requires insurance companies to pay for the screening process of potential donors in their registration into the NMDP. The Bill passed almost unanimously.

*Here are some facts about the NMDP:*

• Currently, there are approximately (ONLY) 5.5 million people in the NMDP.
• Each year over 35,000 people are diagnosed with blood diseases that require a bone marrow transplant.
• Only 30% of those 35,000 find a related donor, the rest are left to search for their match in the NMDP (hence, why 5.5 million is NOT a lot of people.)
• It is difficult to find a match who is willing to go through the process of bone marrow harvesting. Most only enter the registry for a family member or friend, and never expect or are prepared to donate (or save the life) of a perfect stranger, and many refuse.
• It takes as little as a saliva sample (in some cases a blood sample) to enter the NMDP.
• NH, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and Massachusetts are the only New England states who require their insurance companies to cover the ~$70 fee incurred by people hoping to be registered into the NMDP. Other states in New England and the U.S expect people to cover the fee to enter the registry. This fee often becomes a barrier to treatment and donation.

I got the call in August informing me that I was a potential match for a 20-year-old female with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. I was asked if I was still interested in donating either stem-cells or participating in an actual Bone Marrow Harvesting. Indeed I was interested and began the long process of health screenings and doctor visits to determine if I was the best possible match for this recipient. Here are the steps/timeline I took to get to where I am going Thursday:

1. February 2005- Provided Dana-Farber Cancer Institute (DFCI) with a single vile of blood to enter into the NMDP.
2. Late August 2007- I got a call informing me of my possible match, and inquiring if I was interested.
3. 1 week later- I went to my Primary Care Physician to give approximately 10 viles of blood to be sent to DFCI for HLA-testing (Human Lykocyte Antigen-- what makes my tissue unique.)
4. 2 weeks later- I got a call from DFCI informing me that I was a match, not a perfect match but as close as an unrelated donor can be, and they wanted to "harvest me."
5. Sept 18- I went to DFCI to submit to testing for: any and all infectious diseases, cancers, pregnancy, chest X-rays, and an EKG -- to determine if I was fit for this surgery.
6. Sept 24- I went to DFCI for a pre-operative consultation.
7. Oct 1- I submitted to another pregnancy test.

What will happen to me:

• October 11, 2007 at 5:30am I will be admitted to Brigham and Woman's Teaching Hospital for pre-operative admission.
• 7:30am I will be put under general anesthesia and intubated, put on my stomach and two surgeons will work simultaneously to remove approximately 1 quart (predetermined by my weight) of bone marrow through the iliac bones in my hips.
• I will be under for about 3 hours, and after I am harvested I will be given a pint of my own blood which was extracted at my Sept 18th appointment.
• My body will regenerate this marrow over the next 4-6 weeks and I will be in recovery/pain for about 7 days.
• I will give my living tissue to a 20-year-old female. I am her last hope at a long life.

If you pray please keep me AND my recipient in your prayers. If you don't, please send healing and healthy thoughts our way.

Wish me luck, it's harvest time.

*for more information, email me, or go to www.dana-farber.org*

I HEART Schwag

There are many, many wonderful things about dating a cyclist.

First, it's a hot sport. Who would have "thunk" a man who wears spandex and shaves his legs would have pedaled into the dreams of this woman? True, true, I'm a fan.

Second, the conversations. Aaron will come home from riding his bike for several hours, as he thinks nothing of going 90 miles in his "rides," and in those 90 miles he does a lot of thinking. When he comes home, always eager to talk to me, a conversation will usually go something like this:

J: How was your ride?

A: Great!

J: Where did you go? (Aaron will give me a detailed story of where he went, who he saw, any animals he spotted [he knows that is the highlight of his ride stories for me.])

J: How do you feel, are you tired, hungry, or thirsty?

A: Actually, when I was on my ride, I was thinking about what we should do on our next vacation.

-or-: When I was on my ride, I thought of something I said earlier that came out wrong, and I'm sorry... (most of the time I have no idea what he is talking about, but being a "typical female" I milk it for all it's worth.)

Third, the schwag. What is schwag you ask? Well, it's the perks that a sponsor gives their sponsorees (our current schwag is the 6 cases of vitamin water currently in my mudroom, thank you Aaron Molloy and Legal Cycling. If it's free, it's for me, and we have had lots of it; clothing, water-bottles, gift certificates, and Aaron gets hooked up with a top of the line bicycle to ride each season... I love schwag...

Lickin' my wounds

Do you ever have "one those days" where you just feel blue and you don't know why? That's me today, I'm in a funk. I can't get out of my own way, or find the positives. So, to knock that chip off my shoulder, I am going to list things that make me smile:

my dogs, packing an "activity bag" when going away, my health, my cats, my sister, imagining people enjoying my blog and getting something out of it to improve their day, my beautiful apartment, my bird, my education, having enough food, mindless entertainment, my sweet friends who put up with my hatred of the telephone and unreliable call back promises, knowing I have "someone to go home to", people who over-accessorize but pull it off, confidence that tomorrow will be a better day, greasy cookies, getting a lot done, snot draining from one sinus side to the other when you switch your position in bed, laptops, Downy wrinkle releaser, hotel keys, Aaron Timothy Molloy, the stain news print leaves on your fingers, getting the mail, cleaning your car, corn-husks, pumpkins, finding money in your pocket and remembering what you bought to get it back as change, tea with honey and lemon, downloading new pictures from your digital camera AND liking one of yourself, waking up early and laying in bed knowing you still have hours before you have to get up, pink, expressions that mention bodily fluids ie; full of piss and vinegar, doing something for shits and grins, not having a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, blogging, calling someone to tell them goodnight.

There, that's a little better.

The Things We Do For Love Part II

I had a really bad week last week. Due to my hectic work schedule and family events beyond my control, I was ready for the weekend. I needed to do something that was going to refresh my mind and body. Aaron and I came to the conclusion that a hike in the "Whites" would do.

Aaron (who I tease and call Mr. Universe) usually plans these hikes. I swear he has an internal compass that enables him to navigate us anywhere we go, and the strength and stamina that many envy (including myself.) He planned to take me to Mt. Lafayette. This is a 8 mile round trip hike that reaches a summit of 5260' (about a 6 hours.) I was not prepared, mentally or physically, for such a trip.

Things started out nicely, with BEAUTIFUL scenery and foliage, but as we ascended the mountain, I became angry and frustrated, acquiring tunnel vision that disabled me from enjoying my surroundings. I can recall little of the hike after this point.

We made it to Greenleaf Hut at 4420' where we stopped to refuel our bodies with food and add more layers of clothing, as the summit was in the clouds and the temperature was (estimation) around 20 degrees. At some point after leaving the hut, I became so frustrated, exhausted, and upset that I could not go on. For all sakes and purposes we reached the top, we were about 100' below the actual "summit," but the disappointment I felt because I could "not finish" overwhelmed me to a point I am embarrassed to even discuss here-- it's much too personal.

What I will tell you is that I took all of this anger and frustration out on Aaron. My mentality was that he planned the hike, he should know that I couldn't complete this in the state of mind I had been for the last few days, and the physical demands that had been put on my body over the last two weeks. I basically thought that he should be able to read my mind. (Nevermind the fact that I specifically told him that I wanted to climb all 48- 4000+ footers in NH, so he probably thought he was doing "good".)

I had a melt-down of epic proportions and directed my rage at Aaron. Like I said, I remember very little about the trip, but what I do remember is how every time I climbed down a huge boulder to navigate the trail, Aaron reached his hand out for me to catch me. And every time I rejected his hand and chose instead to steady myself on a tree, branch, or boulder. But no matter how many times I rejected his hand, he never stopped reaching for me.

I didn't complete this climb, but I learned a valuable lesson. I can't do every thing perfectly and sometimes I need to accept the help I am offered because I am so lucky to have such unconditional support. When I look at the pictures from that day I wonder, "what did I ever do to deserve such unconditional love, adoration, and patience from a man who constantly has the courage to reach out to me?"

Me, nearing Greenleaf Hut

My biggest fan, who told me at the bottom of the mountain, "Jessi, I love and adore you more now than I did 6 hours ago."