Toby's Birth Story

I had a pretty amazing pregnancy (except for the diabetes). I had an even more impressive labor. I am going to be completely blunt, therefore, if you are easily offended or grossed out, turn back now. Consider yourself warned.

On Tuesday, May 22nd, I went to my regularly scheduled non-stress test appointment. I had two of these every single week for the last nine weeks of my pregnancy because of the gestational diabetes. I had expected that this appointment would be completely uneventful; they all had been up until now. We had been discussing the possibility of being induced early but, I plead my case that I wanted to go naturally and hopefully wait until 40 weeks. We all agreed that I would try to go to 40 unless something happened but, the doctors had warned, that they would NOT let me go past 40. I thought that was a fine compromise.

On Tuesday, the non-stress test went as I predicted, uneventful. It wasn't until I went to see the doctor that things changed. I gained 3 pounds in 5 days. Given that I followed my diet religiously it was nearly impossible the weight gain was due to diet so, this concerned the doctor. The last time Toby's weight had been estimated was two weeks prior and he was tipping the scales at 5lbs 8oz. This was almost three weeks later so, they were thinking he was going to be huge.

Then they discussed the fact that I was already 2cm dilated, 75% effaced and, with the long holiday weekend coming, I wasn't going to be seen again for a week. My doctor said "You're going to be induced tomorrow at 7:30AM." She scraped my cervix to speed up the process of labor for the next day and then sent me on my way.

Whoa.

Just like that. I left the office feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I called Aaron, hysterical, (and I DO NOT cry easily). I could not wrap my head around the fact that tomorrow, May 23rd, I was going to be induced. I could possibly have a baby on the 23rd. I had mere hours left to be selfish with this tiny little life inside me. I wasn't prepared to say goodbye to him in that way yet. It sounds weird, maybe it doesn't make sense but, I wasn't ready to let him go.

I was a mess.
I still had so much to do.
I needed to prepare.
This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen.
I didn't have control over this and it KILLED me.

In true Jessi fashion I licked my wounds for about 45 minutes, cried on Aaron's shoulder (he loves when I have emotional outbursts and "share my feelings") then, just as quickly as it happened, I was done processing it. I had to change gears and get into the mindset that tomorrow I would meet my son.

At 7:30 the next morning we checked into the hospital and I asked my doctor, "I really want to have the baby on a Wednesday. Do you think I'll have him today?" She said, "Nope, very, VERY unlikely." That was all I needed to hear. My first thoughts were, "Well, we'll see about that, won't we?" I was  2+cm and started on pitocin at 8AM. At 8:30 I yelled to my nurse. "Excuse me, I think I just peed the bed!" She laughed and looked under my sheets and said, "Nope, your water just broke."

Then it all happened so fast. Before I knew it I was being checked and rechecked. At 3+cm I ordered breakfast and ate it in between contractions. At 5cm the pain was really kicking in and I threw up my breakfast. At 5 and 6cm they offered me an epidural but I refused. The pain was awful but not yet completely unbearable. At 7cm they offered me an epidural again, and I refused opting to climb into the tub instead; which helped immensely. At 8cm I yelled at Aaron because my contractions were right on top of each other and he dared to replace the bloody blanket I was sitting on with a fresh one: "That's how I know I'm making progress, I need to see that... DON'T EVER TOUCH MY BLANKET AGAIN!" Later, when he was coaching me on how to breathe I said, "I don't need a lesson on how to breathe. I've been doing it my whole life! This IS how I breathe!"

I think those were the last words I spoke. I literally had to step out of myself in order to deal with the pain. I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it; the pain was bad. At almost 9 cm I thought for a split second I would cave and ask for an epidural but, I held out, I had already gone this long without one. I must state here, clearly, that I have absolutely no judgements about epidurals or medications during labor. For me, it just wasn't something I wanted to do. I really wanted to experience labor in its most authentic state (and the thought of losing the ability to move my legs terrified me more than labor pain).

Finally, FINALLY, around 1:30, I felt the urge to push. Nothing relieves the terrible pain of contractions like pushing. It is such a weird sensation and, looking back, I think it's because the pain of the contractions are masked by the burning/searing pain of a head the size of a melon coming out of something the size of a lemon. But, really, if I had to say which pain was worse, I would say contractions. Contractions, for me, were terrible. Perhaps it's because they pumped me so full of pitocin that I didn't have time to breathe in between each contraction; they came on fast and strong!

At some point, (I'm not sure when because, like I said, it was like an out-of-body-experience and I'm really foggy) they rolled out a mirror so I could see his head "crowning." My entire body just looked like such a mess I asked them to take the mirror away because it was breaking my concentration.

Occasionally I'll recall something about the rest of the labor such as the fact that some nurse (who was not my nurse) came in and whispered something into the ear of my nurse. I "came to" long enough to hear the word "intern" and I yelled "NO!" before my nurse even had the opportunity to ask me if I would allow an observer in my delivery room.

There is very little I remember about the rest of the labor but, according to Aaron, around 2pm I ripped off all my clothes and conducted the rest of the delivery naked, which is really odd because I am incredibly modest.

One moment, which I clearly remember, was when Toby's head was crowing and I felt this very odd and very familiar sensation. I said out loud, "He has the hiccups." Basically, my little boy was stuck in my vaginal canal, hiccuping away. Both my doctor and my nurse were laughing and my doctor, who has delivered thousands of babies said, "I have never seen that before."  Then she said, "Okay, I want this baby out in 2 more pushes." I did as I was told.

Toby was born 8 hours and 24 minutes after I arrived at the hospital. He was 6.4lbs and 19.5 inches long. Toby cried immediately and passed his Apgar score with an 8. While Aaron was tending to the baby; cutting the cord, watching him be weighed, I was delivering the placenta and being stitched up by the doctor. I had 3rd degree tears (Yowza!!) My blood pressure dropped, extremely low, and I remember being scared about that (it was somewhere around 60/42). But really, a lot of things are foggy. I was exhausted and in pain. Sadly, Toby also had really low blood sugar (damn diabetes) and unless his sugar raised, he'd have to go to the NICU. I was terrified but, they gave him a couple of hours and a little bit of formula and he pulled through.

Labor was such an exhilarating and excruciating experience. The best part, by far, which I remember clear as day, was when I gave the final push to get Toby's shoulders out of me. It was like the final goodbye before I had to share him with the rest of the world. This amazing sense of relief and love rushed out of me. Immediately, I was no longer part of just a couple... I was part of a family. When I first saw my baby it was like I knew him all along. My heart was busting at the seems; I was overflowing with love for Toby and my husband.

Finally, about my birth partner, Aaron. He has now truly seen me at my very worst. I was in so much pain, crying, moaning, and sweating with multiple bodily substances and liquids coming out of every single exit point of my body. He watched my body stretch and yield beyond capacity. Still, he was THE BEST partner I could have asked for. For 8+ hours he never left my side. He massaged my body; he coached me in every way possible. He kept saying over and over, "You are doing so good, you are so awesome, you can do this, I love you so much, you are so beautiful." That was exactly what I needed to hear. He was perfect. He made himself such a part of the labor I really felt like I wasn't alone in the birthing process.

I can't explain what it's like to be a mother; there really aren't any words. I loved every minute of my pregnancy. I loved labor and bringing Toby into this world. I viewed it as the last thing I had to do to bring my son here. The moment I met him he completely convinced this non-believer that "love at first sight" does exist.