"Seasonal" Comparisons

As 2015 winds down and the sting of Toby starting school has been somewhat numbed by the passing of time (yes, I'm STILL a mess about it) I feel more compelled to write than I have in a long time. Writing is a form of therapy for me and sometimes it brings me so much joy to go back and read my older posts. While I do have a loyal number of readers (I love you guys- big much) in all honesty, readership is less important to me than the documentation is. I like to imagine that some day Toby might appreciate knowing just how much of a gift he has been to my life... and I have the words to prove it.

I've been going through a lot of pictures lately as I try to clean up my hard-drive and organize my photos. I/we take pictures of everything. Some are silly and some are meaningful. I never know how I'll interpret a picture a year later and it's really fun to open up a random folder full of pictures taken over a year ago and have my mind go back to that day.

As I was organizing some photos the other day I came across a picture of Toby at the 2014 "Day Out With Thomas" and it gave me all the feels. Then, it occurred to me, I've never done a comparison post. Many of the blogs I read do it, yet, I never took the plunge. So, while I'm sitting here licking my wounds about my baby going to school and, what feels like, his sprint through childhood, I figured it was as good a time as ever to do a comparison post. I mean, considering I'm already feeling feelings about the rate at which he grows up, why not twist the knife a little?

These pictures are  378 days apart

Day out with Thomas- Year I
7/11/2014

Day Out With Thomas- Year II
7/24/2015

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These pictures are ~485 days apart

New England Aquarium
1/20/2014

New England Aquarium

5/20/2015

While to some, the changes in the pictures might seem subtle... or normal. To a parent, you know how much your child changed in that time. Physically, developmentally, emotionally. It's profound. When, in our life, do we change SO MUCH in such a short span of time? It blows my mind to think that just 3.5 years ago he wasn't even here. Now he's a person. Our person.

Before I had Toby a good friend of mine said, "The days go slow but the years go fast" and that isn't far from the truth. I feel really confused when I look at these pictures. I know I've said it before-- I absolutely treasure being Toby's Mama. He has been such a gift to my life. Not a gift in the way that he's a great kid; fun to be around, jolly and sweet. A gift in the sense that sometimes I feel I was never really alive until he became what I live for. I know I can speak for Aaron when I say he gave our lives an entirely new purpose.

I'm just rambling now but, as the seasons change, it makes evident the different seasons of life... and how fast the season of childhood/parenthood passes by. It's breathtakingly heartbreaking.

Three. You're breaking my heart.

I won't be able to post this tomorrow, so I'm doing it today. I'm going to get sappy. Turn back now or consider yourself warned.

One thousand ninety six days.
Twenty six thousand three hundred four hours.
One million five hundred seventy eight thousand, two hundred forty minutes.

As of tomorrow, at 3:54 PM, that's how long I've known my son.

Every parent says this but, time goes by so fast. Too fast.

I cannot believe my kid will turn three tomorrow.

Three.

There has been absolutely no part of being Toby's mother that I've hated. Sure, there have been some really hard times, but I don't expect anything to be easy. I certainly didn't see him coming. I had NO idea how much he would change me. How much he would infiltrate my every fiber, every thought, every second. I love him totally and completely.

It's so weird how a person comes to be. You decide to try for a kid and who you get is who you get. I often find myself thinking about that. I'll be driving to work and I'll think, "If we had waited one more month, or one more day, or even one more hour, we would have some other little stranger. I wouldn't have my Toby." Granted, I'd have some other little person and I wouldn't know the difference but it's so weird to think about. Toby is just right for us; for me.

Three.

In three years my life has changed so completely. When he wakes up in the morning, it always strikes me that I missed him while he slept. Sometimes, when I look at him, I'm so overcome by emotion that I almost can't bare his face. Sometimes, looking at him is like looking at the sun. How is it possible that I've felt more alive in the past three years than I did in the first thirty something? How is it possible that an eight hour work day drags on and on but three years goes so fast?

Three.

Three makes me so sad. For some reason three has been a really hard pill to swallow. One didn't bother me. Two was a piece of cake. But three. He's a person now. He talks in full sentences. He's starting to dress himself. He hasn't worn a diaper for over 6 months. He doesn't use a high-chair. He sleeps in a big boy bed. He asks for what he wants. He's three. I feel as though he's more of a boy and less of a baby.

In three years Toby has grown and is thriving. In three years my whole world has been redefined. I'm not usually at a loss for words but, I can't even grasp what he's done to me.

He has changed absolutely everything.

I keep saying I never saw him coming. But, for those who knew me before I had Toby completely understand what that means. I have always been a person to strive to accomplish more. More education, more time, more letters behind my name, and a better career. I viewed life as a destination. Not a journey.

From the moment I met Toby, he was enough. He has always been enough.

Three.

Three is so fun. And frustrating. And bittersweet. And humbling. And exhausting. But, he's so curious and kind and energetic. He takes me to task in a way nobody else can. Raising him has been the most rewarding journey of my life.

He's three. He's intoxicating and infuriating. He makes me want to sob and laugh. He both fills and breaks my heart. He confuses the hell out of me. He is enough. He's more than enough. He's all I want.

This morning at breakfast he said, "Mama, you luff me big much." 

He's totally right. Big much.
Happy Birthday to my sweet boy. Thank you, Toby, for everything.

To view his first year slideshow, click here
To view his second year slideshow, click here

Toby's Birthday

Our little boy turned TWO on May 23rd. I can't believe he's TWO.

On the 17th we had a small, (immediate family only,) party for him at our house. The theme was, of course, Peter Rabbit. Peter is his lovey and he is rarely seen without him.

A little candy and sweets table. And yes, I made carrot lollipops. 

While Toby did get some really nice gifts, we also asked for donations to a local rescue farm be considered instead. I'm really happy to say that a nice chunk of change was sent to a non-profit farm that Toby enjoys.

My gorgeous niece

I love this little guy

Xander is one of Toby's favorite people


On May 23rd, Toby's actual birthday, Aaron had to work and we were traveling to Maine that evening for the long weekend. We did Toby's presents early; right when he woke up. I think it was around 5:30 AM. 

His "Day out with Thomas" tickets arrived the day before (from my Dad) so we clipped them to a place mat we bought. He is going to be BESIDE himself when he gets to spend the day with "Choo-choo" this summer!

We had been wanting to get him a balance bike, so I put Aaron totally in charge of that (obviously.) We ended up going with the Trek Kickster. Toby LOVED it. Daddy even got him a neat little gatorhorn!

One of my oldest and "bestest" friends, Steph, sent him the basketball hoop. He had no idea it was coming and we set it up the night before. He was so excited!

"What's all this?"

I will admit, the horn, at 5:30AM was a bit... intense.

Only my kid would be excited for clothes.

I can't believe he's TWO. We just love him so much!