I need to premise this with the acknowledgement that we, as parents, are narcissists. Diagnostically? Well, maybe some of us. Figuratively? Absolutely. We think our child is the best artist, or the cutest, or the sweetest and most thoughtful, or the smartest, or the most well behaved, and/or the ________ (you fill in the blank.) It's innate in many of us to feel this way about our little tyke because it creates a primal drive to love them, take care of them, and nurture them. They are these little humans that every fiber in our body gravitates to-- like magnets. It's organic. It's supposed to happen that way.
Well, my kid? He's pretty darn special too; something pretty amazing happened to him recently.
He was accepted to school.
Not just any school but, our "reach" school.
No, I am not smoking crack. Yes, I know I'm over the top and referring to an (almost) three-year-old and not a college-bound senior. But, I am ridiculously proud... and proud of my ridiculousness.
We've known for the past 12 months that our beloved nanny would be leaving us September 2015. Since Toby was 3 months old, we have always had a nanny. While the nanny he had for his first 18 months of life was great, our current nanny knocks my socks off. There have been so many times that she has saved our butts one way or another. She cleans during Toby's naps, she takes him everywhere, and gives him so many experiences. Although she is only with us a mere 15 hours each week, to any parent, 15 minutes feels like too much time to miss and "give" to someone else. But, she absolutely loves him. And he's crazy about her. And he needs time away from me (it almost physically hurt to write that!)
So, we've had a long time to decide what was best for our son going forward. We discussed a lot of options; daycare, preschool programs, in-home care, having a friend watch him, hiring another nanny, or Aaron and I working completely opposite schedules so he would always be with one of us. None of them felt like completely the right option. One thing we were both sure of was that he needed more time with peers.
We also knew a few things: We wanted an educational and diverse setting. We wanted his environment to be structured, but not so structured that he would be confined to one room, or behind a desk. We also demanded that it would be secure. We didn't want people coming in and out, or the general public (including other parents) to have access to our child. But, we also didn't want a prison. Lastly, we wanted trained and certified teachers. Kind of specific, I know.
We toured a few daycares and we even toured some in home providers. It just didn't fit. Finally, I said to Aaron, "I want him to be in an educational setting where he can learn but I don't want him at a desk learning to count." (Because, well, my kid is already a genius, remember?) ;) He can count to almost 20, he has known his shapes and colors for forever, and he is even beginning to grasp quantity- meaning, if I lay out 5 grapes and ask him how many are there, he will count and say 5. Then, I'll say, "if I eat one, how many will be left?" he will say "four." Not to mention, if I show him a map of the United States he can point to about 10 different states if I call out their name- and, in reverse, if I point to them he can say their name also. See? Genius. wink-wink (coughnarcissistcoughcough.)
For a while we looked seriously at daycares. For a lot of reasons. It would offer us great hours, it would be pretty structured, he would get peer interaction, and it would be pretty darn cheap (not cheap in general but, in comparison to a nanny, it would save us
hundreds of dollars each month for
more hours of care.) So, we toured a few daycares but Toby didn't enjoy them. We would arrive and he would be completely uninterested in doing anything aside from leaving. I remember one of them was even divided into "age rooms" with cubicle type barriers and florescent overhead lights; that was one of the worst. The director said to us,
"We encourage drop-ins. At any point during the day you can use your keycode to get in and visit us to see how we are doing." I think she had assumed that would make me feel better; instead I imagined a disgruntled parent in the thick of a custody battle "unexpectedly dropping in with a hand grenade." In all fairness, some of the other establishments we toured were very nice. It just didn't feel like the right fit.
So, I went to Dr. Google and asked, "alternative types of schools for toddlers." The first two options to come up were Waldorf and Montessori. Then I did what I always do. I went straight to the library. I got books about both. While they have common threads, we really leaned more toward Montessori education. In my readings I came across this quote, by Maria Montessori, "
We discovered that education is not something which the teacher does, but that it is a natural process which develops spontaneously in the human being." That did it for me. I narrowed my focus on Montessori education reading pros/cons, other people's experiences and any article I could get my hands on before deciding it was an environment in which Toby would thrive. The premise of Montessori education, for those who aren't familiar, is to nurture a child's inclination to learn. It's not a curriculum based educational program. It allows a child to explore, with safe boundaries, their own interests. Some of the goals include nurturing independence, compassion, autonomy and responsibility. I couldn't ask more of my son than to be a compassionate, tolerant, respectful, independent and responsible person. I want him to trust himself. I want him to stay curious.
That began our quest for the
right school. In New Hampshire, there were surprisingly a few options local to us for Montessori education. While I was prepared to drive him at least 30 minutes for the right program, I found a couple within arm's reach. We spent the last 6 months reading about each school, viewing their websites, seeking word of mouth, and then I found the one I wanted.
Have you ever been in a Montessori classroom? Holy Moly. It is unlike anything I have ever seen. All the materials are REAL. No plastics. Real wood. Real glass. Real furniture. While we were touring our dream school there were children there pouring water out of a miniature ceramic pitcher into real miniature glassware. I inquired about this and the director, who was guiding us through the classroom, stated that the real material teaches a child to take care and caution; if it spills and breaks it teaches them cause and effect, it also stimulates their amygdala to measure the weight of an object. Things I had never thought of.
The play yard at this particular school does not have any play structures (no slide, or swings etc.) because those types of structures "prescribe play." (On a swing you're supposed to swing, on a slide, you're supposed to slide") which isn't necessarily in line with the Montessori method. Instead, their play yard is filled with other goodies. Giant stumps they've brought in, a large pile of gravel or rocks, all things that will stimulate the child's imagination, and they cycle these. Everything about this just felt so right to us. Especially the way in which a child is engaged to learn.
There is no possible way I can articulate the absorption of Montessori education eloquently, but I can tell you it's something we spent much time researching. I've watched video upon video of Montessori classrooms, Montessori activities, and each one left me wanting this more and more for our son.
So, we scheduled an interview at our dream school. At this particular school they actually interview the parents first, without the child. Then, if it's a fit, your child is "invited" back for an observation where he integrates into a classroom with those who would be his peers (and the parents stand back and watch, not interacting.) Then the evaluators meet and decide if the child would thrive in the Montessori environment. We were cautiously optimistic but we knew there were only about 7-8 spots at this school for his age group. We knew a lot was riding on how he acclimated to the Montessori environment.
He was a natural. He waited for a general instruction, spent a little time exploring and then picked a Montessori work activity. He worked for a few minutes without distraction (he was hammering tacks into a cork board of corresponding colors [yes, a real hammer and yes, real tacks- pointy ones]) He walked on a balance beam and was particularly interested in the trained guide dog who is at the school every day and the cello (one of the teachers is a trained cellist.) But, overall he did great; it was almost as if it was a natural environment for him. It just solidified our decision for me. But, we also knew he had to be accepted.
After Toby's evaluation I packed him up in the car and we went out to breakfast. While we were eating he said, "
Mama, after we eat Toby go back to school" My heart stopped. I wanted this, so badly, for him and I loved that he wanted it too. He had never asked to return to any place we had toured thus far. I said "
Maybe soon, babe" and we didn't speak more about it.
The next day I got an email saying Toby was unanimously accepted. I cried. Then we immediately brought him to Friendlys for a celebratory dinner and ice cream.
So, in September, our little guy will be attending a local Montessori school three days per week (which means I still get two weekdays of Mama-Toby time!!) I am so excited for him; he's really ready for this change. While this type of education isn't for everyone, and by no means do I feel it's a superior method, it's superior for us. I mean, the school offers a language starting at four-years-old, all the teachers are trained and certified in the Montessori method, there is so much exposure to fine arts and diversity, and it's secure and safe. While it really won't save us the money some of the other options would, we know it's an environment our son with thrive in. If we choose, he can even continue there until high school. It's just perfect.
In the mean time, we were encouraged to tackle the recommended reading list provided by the school-- which has a FEW dozen books and articles/studies. I was able to load a lot on my kindle and get some through interlibrary loan but I suspect Maria Montessori will be the only author on my bedside table for quite some time.
Great job Toby! We knew you could get into your "reach" school. (I am already planning his outfit for the first day of school.)
