This is just a tad bit over due, 6 months and 8 days but who is counting? Jessi, my family, our friends and that's right the woman I love have disappointed for the last 6 months and 8 days.
This story begins a few years ago but I am going to start sometime in early May. After several weeks of hemming and hawing I called up my father and asked him what he was doing.
Dad: (In his normal over worked and under appreciated tone) Nothing. Why whats up?
What are you doing tonight?
Dad: Nothing I told you. What's going on?
(My father and I don't normally converse over the phone, he's not a big fan.) No, what are you doing tonight? You got anything planned? You doing anything of importance?
Answering his question with several questions, he is now irritated and is trying to figure out what is going on?
Dad: Is everything ok? Are you in JAIL?
Yes and NO I am not in jail!
Dad: Is your car broken down?
NO
Dad: Did you get a flat on your bike and need me to come get you?
No, its crappy out I am not riding today.
Dad: Are you even in the country?
Yes. (Dumbfounded as to why he would ask if I were out of the country, I think he wanted to screw with me.) I am at home watching some TV. Thanks though.
At this point, my mother is in the background screaming at him, and me, via my dad about my well being. After the screeching is done my mother has now gone and found the other phone in the house and continued the game of 20 Questions. At some point I have the opportunity to talk and I ask my father if he would help me go and pick out an engagement ring for Jessi. (Ya, a real father-son moment here, just like the Brady's.)
Silence. Absolute SILENCE!!!
After 8 seconds of silence-which seemed like an eternity-I am getting pissed and am about to tell my parents where they can go. Then the silence is broke with my mother and father screaming over each other.
Mom: Well it is about damn time, congratulations!!! Does she know? Does she have any idea?
What the hell do you want your fathers input for?
Dad: (Laughing, using his voice that is only reserved for happy moments and when someone has done something to make him proud.) Well, congratulations. Jessi is a great girl.
And now the barrage of questions come.
Mom: What are you going to get?
An engagement ring.
Dad: No shit, what kind?
A princess cut, at least 1 carrot, in white gold or platinum, with smaller diamonds on the side.
Mom: Platinum?!?!? 1 Carrot?!?!? What the hell, Jim?!?!?
Dad: Where are you looking? Manchester? Concord? Anywhere specific? (I've learned avoidance from the best.)
I have looked at a couple places in Concord. Naming a few.
Mom: Oh, that place is a rip off. I like this place...
Dad: You should talk to our friend that I used to get your mother's jewelry from. You remember Larry?
Yep.
Mom: Ya, where you used to get my jewelry. When you going to ask?
At camp. The second week of August at this spot we visited last year.
Mom: Oh shit, I have to keep my mouth shut till August?!?!?
Dad: Good for you, congratulations. Yes Lin, you have to keep your mouth shut for a couple of months.
By the time they are done asking there questions 2 hours has passed and it is now 7pm. Jessi is due to be leaving work any moment and I am not good at lying, so the trip was postponed. But a date later the following week was scheduled with my father. After telling my parents of the news, I needed to call and inform my brothers, who wanted to be part of the plans. The date was set and I was off the phone by the time Jessi was at the door.
As the key hit the lock I hung up with my brother. I jumped to the door to greet by my baby who was ready to play her version of 20 Questions. Thinking to myself I can't do another round, and especially with Jessi, I gave her a kiss, asked how her day was and attempted to complete as many meaningless different tasks as I could to avoid eye contact.
Cub: WHO where you on the phone with?
(Knowing she would look at my phone and I would need to weave a bigger web.) My family.
Cub: I tried calling you.
Sorry about that. Matt called while I was on with my parents. (Realizing I just said my parents I knew I was done.)
Cub: How are your parents?
Fine
Cub: Were you talking to them together?
No, I called to ask my dad if he had one of my tools still. (Ah, tools the perfect diversion, Jessi will never want me to elaborate on that. SWEET, I can pull this off. Side note You may at this point think I am crazy for pointing out my tactics but she already knows.) And then my mother got on and started asking about the week and what we had planned for the weekend. Then Matt called and wanted to know what was going on for mothers day. (Enough information to overload an over worked and under appreciated Jessi so she won't ask questions. I can pull this off.)
Cub: So what are the plans for mothers day?
(SHIT!!!) Ah, it is up in the air. Matt wanted to see what we were doing and I told him I was not sure. (Valid lie. due to the fact that I usually don't have a clue Jessi is on top of that stuff, my family has now gotten to the point where they just call Jessi.) So, I told him I would give him a call back and let him know after I talked with you.
Cub: Well, we can do this day at this time because you have x,y and z going on.
OK I'll let him know. How did your day go? Anything exciting, interesting or potentially hazardous happen?
Cub: No, not really. I don't want to talk about work. How about you anything go on here?
No, just hung out with the boys and girl, we watched some TV, avoided the rain and missed you.
One crisis diverted, many lies told and many more to avoid.
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