There is no winning when it comes to parenting. Every single time I go online there is a new article critiquing some type of parenting or parenting choice. You can find an "open letter" addressed to every type of parent out there. Coincidentally, I shared one on Facebook the other day. Y'all know the articles I'm talking about.
"To the Mother of one"
"To the Parent who doesn't feed organic"
"To the Parents who vaccinated"
"To the Mom who circumcised"
"To the Mom who fed her baby formula"
They suck you in, usually hooking you by a catchy opener like, "I see you over there..." So, we read them. All of them. We are drawn into each article; reading it word for word and nodding our head in solidarity, (or reading with fury and getting mad as hell.) When we hit the close button we either feel worse about our parenting skills or better. Either way, the articles take aim at some choice we made as a parent.
Why? Why do we do this? Why do we read them? Do we actually think that someone is going to read the article referenced and think, "Well, shit. I've been doing it wrong this whole time. Imma back this truck up and start over." I would guess that, for the majority of us, the only thing we're reconsidering as a result of the information you just shared from your mommy-board group-think is our opinion of you and the fact that you are co-parenting with Wikipedia..
Anyway, I digress.
On Mother's Day Aaron did a variety of things for me but, what struck me the most was that he told me I was a "remarkable mother." I won't go into detail about the intimate and heartfelt sentiment but, the jest of the conversation was that he appreciates how much I do for our family and how good of a Mom I am to our son. That I go out of the way to DO for him and that I am conscious and intentional about parenting.
A while ago I was chatting with a friend of mine and she and I were laughing about someone saying to her, "Your daughter just takes the most beautiful pictures. I have never seen a bad picture of _______." My brilliant friend responded, "Well, I just don't share the bad ones."
What people don't talk about (or post about) is the hum-drum parts of being a parent. The dark side of parenting. The days you feel like you're barely keeping your head above water. The nights you go to bed and linger on something insensitive you said, when you were too distracted to play, or when you just wanted to beat your head against the wall. Nobody talks about that. But it happens. Many times, there isn't anything at all remarkable about being a mom. You just get up and you do do do do do do. Later, you mentally berate yourself for everything you didn't do and then you go to bed to start over the next day. Sometimes, we might feel like we're walking around in a room of fun-house mirrors thinking, "What the F*CK is happening right now?"
Then, we go onto any/every social media site and we're met with confirmation that we suck as a parent. We are confronted by posts about the schools our children aren't attending, the music lessons we aren't giving them, the chemicals they are ingesting, the television they are watching, the play-dates they are missing and the milestones they aren't meeting. We all have those people on our newsfeed. The ones who make finger paints from scratch, the ones whose child, at 2-days-old, can recite the Gettysburg Address, or that Mom who is always doing something fun with her kid.
And for some people, I'm probably that Mom. But stay with me. I have a point.
Are you ready?
We don't post the pictures of our kid sitting in front of the television.
Remember earlier when I told you Aaron called me a remarkable mother? Well, he was probably referencing the fact that I'm always doing something for Toby. Always. And I share the things I do on Facebook because, well, I'm a narcissist who thinks my kid is just so flipping cute. And because I want to give others ideas of things to do with their child. And because I want to show my family (most of whom live over 100 miles away) the things they miss so they can feel included. And because I want to document it.
But much of it is also self-serving.
Sometimes I do all these things; the trips, the events, the activities, because the motivation is to NOT GO INSANE.
There. I said it.
My kid can't stay in the house for any length of time. If I try to make him we end up almost killing each other. He is a kid that needs to be busy. I've grown to understand that about him. I've learned to appreciate and support it instead of fight it. It has saved my sanity (and his.) But does it make me remarkable? I don't think so. But even that isn't easy either. Remember, comparision is the thief of joy.
What I don't post with the pictures of my son walking on stilts is him wacking me in the leg with one.
Or the picture of us on hike #300? It wasn't accompanied by the reality that 150 times it took me 90 minutes to get him out the door and into the car which, at some point, probably resulted in him slapping me in the face.
And for every one of these pictures...
Sometimes there is absolutely nothing remarkable about being a mom and that's okay. So, parents, when you sign into Facebook and see all the things you aren't doing for/with your child try to remember that no one is really that remarkable all the time. We only post the good ones.
XO
1 comment:
A-f-ing-men.
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