One thousand ninety six days.
Twenty six thousand three hundred four hours.
One million five hundred seventy eight thousand, two hundred forty minutes.
As of tomorrow, at 3:54 PM, that's how long I've known my son.
Every parent says this but, time goes by so fast. Too fast.
Three.
There has been absolutely no part of being Toby's mother that I've hated. Sure, there have been some really hard times, but I don't expect anything to be easy. I certainly didn't see him coming. I had NO idea how much he would change me. How much he would infiltrate my every fiber, every thought, every second. I love him totally and completely.
It's so weird how a person comes to be. You decide to try for a kid and who you get is who you get. I often find myself thinking about that. I'll be driving to work and I'll think, "If we had waited one more month, or one more day, or even one more hour, we would have some other little stranger. I wouldn't have my Toby." Granted, I'd have some other little person and I wouldn't know the difference but it's so weird to think about. Toby is just right for us; for me.
Three.
In three years my life has changed so completely. When he wakes up in the morning, it always strikes me that I missed him while he slept. Sometimes, when I look at him, I'm so overcome by emotion that I almost can't bare his face. Sometimes, looking at him is like looking at the sun. How is it possible that I've felt more alive in the past three years than I did in the first thirty something? How is it possible that an eight hour work day drags on and on but three years goes so fast?
Three.
Three makes me so sad. For some reason three has been a really hard pill to swallow. One didn't bother me. Two was a piece of cake. But three. He's a person now. He talks in full sentences. He's starting to dress himself. He hasn't worn a diaper for over 6 months. He doesn't use a high-chair. He sleeps in a big boy bed. He asks for what he wants. He's three. I feel as though he's more of a boy and less of a baby.
In three years Toby has grown and is thriving. In three years my whole world has been redefined. I'm not usually at a loss for words but, I can't even grasp what he's done to me.
He has changed absolutely everything.
I keep saying I never saw him coming. But, for those who knew me before I had Toby completely understand what that means. I have always been a person to strive to accomplish more. More education, more time, more letters behind my name, and a better career. I viewed life as a destination. Not a journey.
From the moment I met Toby, he was enough. He has always been enough.
Three.
He's three. He's intoxicating and infuriating. He makes me want to sob and laugh. He both fills and breaks my heart. He confuses the hell out of me. He is enough. He's more than enough. He's all I want.
This morning at breakfast he said, "Mama, you luff me big much."
He's totally right. Big much.
Happy Birthday to my sweet boy. Thank you, Toby, for everything.
To view his first year slideshow, click here
To view his second year slideshow, click here
2 comments:
Happy Birthday Toby
and now I'm sobbing.
damn you.
Happy Three, Toby.
You're amazing <3
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