So, let me set the scene. It's 4 o'clock in the morning and Aaron gets up to feed the cats (which buys us another hour of undisturbed slumber). As he gets out of bed it stirs me to where I realize I have to pee... and pee with a vengeance. Now, when you're pregnant, you aren't spry in the least. I couldn't win a foot race even if there was a box of munchkins at the end of it for this pathetic diabetic. So, by the time I slither (moaning and groaning and body creaking) out of bed, Aaron is already back upstairs and using the bathroom. Me, having a completely full bladder and a small human sitting on top of it, I'm a bit impatient. So, I'm lurking by the door... waiting for him to be done.
Did I mention I have my eyes closed? Yeah, if I get up in the middle of the night to pee I almost always keep my eyes closed because, naturally, if I open them it's game over and I am up for the rest of the night. It's this weird defect I have.
So, as Aaron is trying to come out of the bathroom, I'm trying to go in... with my eyes closed... in the darkness. Let us also not forget I've swallowed a watermelon so the doorway doesn't accommodate me, my belly and Aaron who was completely unaware I was lurking in the hall like a pervert. So, we smack heads really hard because he spun around (I didn't see it coming, of course, because I had my eyes closed.)
It wasn't a little bump in the night either. It was the kind of smack where it makes that disgusting hammer-like sound and you taste metal.
The only thing I could think to say, fairly loudly, was: "I'M PREGNANT! I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY!"
Amazingly, I was able to get a small bruise in my hairline, pee, and go back to bed without opening my eyes. How's that for talent?
3 comments:
Box ears? You mean punch them???
No, No, NO, it's way better!
This is the best definition I could find online... from Urban Dictionary of all places.
Don't mind the spelling errors but, it does the defintion justice:
Taken from:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=box%20his%20ears&defid=2810461
"The act of hitting someone's ears with the palms of your hands. Typically results in the recipient being in extreme pain, and occasionally, deafness (either temporary or permanent).
Boxing someone's ears is usually done with the express purpose of punishing someone for an offence, although is by no means limited to such. It can also be used as an impromptu self defence technique, or just to piss off someone you don't particularly like...
"Box his ears, pop! Box his ears!"
There you have it!
WTF, the hormones are in full blume. I think we need to get you that bumper sticker:
I'm pregnant, and I have the right of way. Classic!!!
Aaron, did you have to explain to your kids the shiner you got at 4 A.M.
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