Mr. Worry

Ever since I went and got myself knocked up (I know, I'm so crude) Aaron has become a worry-wart. I really didn't see that coming simply because he's usually the one to talk me off a ledge of anxiety about my worry-of-the-week! But, it seems the thought of being a Dad has scared the Bejesus out of him. The evidence? Keep reading.

***

A: "I want you to turn the heat up to 75 today."
J: "Why!?" (6 months ago this would probably have been music to my ears. Now, I'm overheated!)
A: "Because the wind is blowing really hard and it's possible we could lose power. I want there to be a good base of heat if that happens."
J: "Okay, fine."
A: "And, if the power goes out... who are you gonna call?"
J: "Ghost-bustersssss!!!" (thinking it would make him laugh)
A: (without cracking a smile) "No, PSNH. You call PSNH."

***

A: "I need a new vehicle."
J: "Well, that's probably not in the cards until next year."
A: "Well, then, I need to get the rust fixed. You could throw a baby through that rust hole!"
J: (speechless)

***

While shopping at Babies R' Us
J: "Do you like this one? The one with the owl for his "coming home" outfit?"
A: "Yes, but that's just a jumper. (It was a onesie) He'll need some pants."
J: "There aren't any matching pants."
A: "That doesn't matter. His little legs will get cold."
J: "Babe, it will be the beginning of June. We'll wrap him in a blanket."
A: "We're getting pants."

***

A: "Why are you using that water bottle?!"
J: "Because I'm thirsty."
A: "That water bottle contains BPA. Remember that article we read about BPA exposure linked to aggressive behaviors in adolescence? Use your pink water bottle. That's BPA free."

***

A: "You're 20 weeks today. You should get your line soon."
J: "My line? What line? My line of cocaine?"
A: "No, that pregnancy line that forms on your stomach."
J: "Oh, the linea nigra?"
A: "Yes."
J: "Oh... (confused) that doesn't happen to everyone... and how the hell did you know about that?"
A: "I have my sources."
(Later I discovered my What to Expect When You're Expecting book in his bathroom)

***

A: "I need to install new windows in the Baby's room."
J: "Why? I like the ones we have!"
A: "They are too close to the floor.'Baby's Name' could fall out of them."
J: "You mean 'Baby's Name' is going to climb out of his crib, unlock the window five feet off the floor, lift the window, pinch the springs to open the screen, lift the screen and fall to his death from the second story window?"
A: "Not if we get new windows."

***

A: "Be really careful out there if you walk the dogs this morning."
J: "Okay."
A: "No, really, it's slick."
J: "Gotcha."
A: "I salted... everything."

***

J: (showing him clothes I bought for Alien) "And this is the outfit he'll wear when we go to the Cape." (We rented a house on the Cape for a week this summer with Aaron's parents & brothers.)
A: "That doesn't cover a lot of skin."
J: "Well, it's going to be July, Babe."
A: "The sun coming off the ocean is brutal. He'll need a hat."
J: "Well, coincidentally, your Mom is making him one for the beach."
A: "Well, he's going to need sunscreen. Like SPF 1000."
J: "I don't think they make SPF 1000"
A: (Walking into another room... mumbles) "We'll paint him."

***

A: "I woke up last night and you were sleeping on your back."
J: "Yeah, I know."
A: "That's dangerous for you."
J: "Yeah, I need to get one of those maternity sleeping pillows at Motherhood."
(A few hours later... planning our errands)
A: "Well, we still need to go the mall."
J: "The mall?!! For what?"
A: "Motherhood. Your pillow!"

***

At Target, Aaron walks up to the Pharmacy. I'm looking at vitamins and overhear the conversation.
A: "Do you have any belly butter here? My wife's belly is *itchy."
(*Your belly gets itchy because the skin stretches)
Aaron walks over to me.
A: "They don't have any here. We should just go online."

***

A: "Have we looked into birthing classes yet?"
J: "No. I feel like it's too early."
A: "We need to look."

Seriously. These have been actual conversations over the past several months. I'm not even going to bother worrying anymore; he's doing it enough for the both of us.