I have been incredibly busy lately. When I get busy I sometimes put on blinders, or worse, a searchlight. I can't explain what I mean by that but, those who truly know me, know what that means and what it looks like. Sometimes I can't slow down and I end up crashing in one metaphorical way or another.
One of my very best friends recently taught me a valuable lesson, just when I needed it. If I have any one person in my life who challenges me, in every way possible, it's this friend. I both hate her and love her for it. In my honest opinion, I am a better person because of this friend and I would be absolutely lost without her. I am certain of it.
When my hackles rise, most back off. She never does and sometimes it makes me want to crouch down into a ball because her brightness seeks me out and finds me in the darkest hiding places. She doesn't retreat, she engages me even further. Even when I must be completely unapproachable, she wrestles my quills; when I slam my metaphorical door shut with such force that it shakes the walls, she quietly knocks.
Recently, at a moment when I was seeing red, not only did she calm me but, later, left a slip of paper with me. At first, I'm not going to lie, I shoved it in my bag, refusing to budge. Later, I read it and my knees buckled a little bit.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles)
I can't say I am going to be a beacon of light every day for the rest of my life but, I am going to screw my light bulb all the way in. I'm not going to turn on the dimmer, in fact, I'm installing a switch. I am powerful beyond measure-- not anymore powerful than the next guy but, powerful in a way I grew into, a way I earned, a way I know I am capable of.
At times when I am completely exhausted and resigned to curl up in ball, I need a friend like this one to kick my ass, challenge my thought process and remind me of exactly who I am and how hard I worked to get here. To this friend, you know who you are, thank you for not letting me make my escape and lick my wounds... you're my equivalent to an alternator because you charge my battery. I can't believe you put up with me.
1 comment:
we all need a friend like that .. you indeed are amazing, <3
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