Yes, I kept my placenta.

Yes I kept my placenta. It belonged to Toby and me so why wouldn't I want it? Besides, do you know what my placenta did? Let me tell you about my placenta.

Placentas are awesome. According to Wikipedia (so scientific, I know), "The placenta is an organ that connects the developing [baby] to the uterine wall to allow nutrient uptake, waste elimination, and gas exchange via the mother's blood supply." Further, the placenta plays a key role in determining the length of pregnancy.

So, basically, my placenta was responsible for feeding my son and keeping him alive and healthy. It did a great job at that, if you ask me. However, I have a love:hate relationship with my placenta because one thing it didn't do a great job at was managing my sugars. My placenta gave me "diabeetus." You see, the placenta produces its own glucose, Toby produced glucose and I produce glucose. My body couldn't manage all three at the same time, thus, enter diabetes. So, while I appreciate all the work the placenta did to keep Toby nourished, I'm kind of miffed that it couldn't do me a solid and allow me to consume whoopie pies throughout my pregnancy.

I kid, I kid. But, with the diagnosis of diabetes we really had to monitor my placenta to make sure it was remaining healthy. People who have diabetes run the risk of their placenta breaking down earlier than usual, or not working as efficiently. So, throughout my pregnancy, I had to be mindful that I was taking care of Toby and my placenta.

There are many things one can do with a placenta. Some people eat it (um, no thanks), some people have it dehydrated and made into pills that they take as vitamins, others make jewelry out of it, some plant it, and some make art with it.

We did the two latter.

If you want to keep your placenta there are a few things you need to know. First off, we had to make sure all the medical personnel in our delivery room knew that we wanted to keep it as they are usually disposed of shortly after the birth of your baby; it is considered medical waste. Further, it's not easy to leave the hospital with an organ so we had to sign consent forms so we were able to take it with us. You basically take it home in a red hazmat doggy bag.

Being that Aaron and I are both nature lovers, we knew one thing we wanted to do was to plant the placenta. So, we went online and ordered a Hawthorn Tree, the tree of May (Toby's birth month.) The hawthorn is a beautiful flowering tree that blooms in late spring/early summer (just like Toby) and is known to attract birds. When this tree arrives (it won't be shipped until late fall when it's the best planting time) we are going to bring it to camp and plant the tree along with the placenta. Each time we go to camp, Toby will be able to watch his tree grow and know that his placenta nourished the tree, just like it nourished him.

We also wanted a way to keep the memory of the placenta close to home so we went online to find ideas for artwork. Of course YouTube offered ways to do this. So we made a "placenta tree of life" using acid free canvas and the placenta as a "stamp" per se.

I've never been so sentimental in my entire life. I guess having a baby grew this Grinch's heart. After talking a lot about it, Aaron and I decided we really wanted to memorialize our placenta. After all, when you think of the miracle of life/birth you have to understand what an integral role the placenta plays in all of it.

Warning: If you proceed past this point and you have a weak stomach, I would turn back now.

So, this is the placenta. It had a pretty big job. If you click on the picture you can see the big veins and capillaries that kept the organ functioning and healthy. The long cord is the umbilical cord that connected me to my son. It's just so neat to think that not only did I grow a baby but, my body made a brand new organ. The human body is so amazing.

The first print I made was just the "blood print" for his scrapbook.

Then I painted the placenta with water-based paint

and I kept the cord natural (blood)

I pressed an 11X14 acid free canvas on the placenta 

This is the finished product. I had it professionally framed with special glass to protect it from the sun and air as the trunk of the tree (umbilical cord) is blood and would have faded over time.

We will also make a day of planting our tree and burying the placenta this fall. We'll be sure to take pictures of the tree and its progress as it grows with Toby.

So, at the risk of sounding like a total weirdo, I think it's the most beautiful thing we could have done. Many people may think it's gross or odd that we chose to keep our placenta so, feel free to judge us and throw your placenta away. We couldn't think of a more beautiful way to welcome Toby to the world than planting a tree in his honor and creating art that one day he may appreciate. The process of doing this was very theraputic for me. As I said, I really enjoyed all the beauty of pregnancy; this seemed like one final way to honor the miracle of birth.

You know you're a new parent when:

We're kind of distracted lately ;)

Toby: One Month Old

On Saturday, May 23rd, Mr. Mister turned one month old. It is absolutely absurd that he has been here for one month already. That's 1/9 of the time it took for me to cook him!

Here are some updates/facts about his first month:

• He has had 210 diaper changes.
• He now eats about 3-4 oz. per setting (not including what I give him from the breast.)
• He has been to Daddy's work and Mama's work for a visit.
• He has met lots and lots of people who love him! (Still a few left to meet!)
• He went on one of his first (of many) trips to Boston yesterday.
• Although he is still in newborn clothing sizes, he will soon be out of them (SAD FACE!)
• He is starting to show more personality; making new facial expressions and noises.
• In the last couple of weeks we gave him a binky. He holds it in his mouth with his little hand so it doesn't fall out. Yeah, my kid is a genius.
• He loves to get a bath.
• He is still super calm, relaxed and easy going. (I am beyond thankful.)
• He doesn't care for air conditioning (just like Mama.)
• He has absolutely NO problem going between the breast and the bottle.
• He sleeps in four hour increments (we're getting there!)
• Aaron already clipped his fingernails (I couldn't do it!!)

Updates about Mama & Daddy:

• I celebrated my 31st birthday and got the best gift ever this year.
• Aaron celebrated his first father's day.
• I had a terrible cold/allergies/plague (I'm still recovering!) and I couldn't hold my baby for 24 hours... that was the worst 24 hours!!
• I went shopping for the first time since I had Toby. Let me tell you, it was all I could do not to ball my eyes out. But, I'm trying to be realistic. It has been a month. I'm going to rock a muffin top and golf ball thighs for a while. Besides, what person actually looks attractive in the mirrors at Old Navy?
• We have brought him on a few day trips and are gearing up for a couple of vacations this summer; the first "overnights" with baby.
• Daddy has read Toby several books and Mama likes to take him on walks.
• I've pumped 40 oz. of breast milk out of my milk jugs since Toby was born (not including what he has helped himself to.) In reality, that's not a lot by any means but, I'm really proud of it because I'm trying so hard!!
• Manny absolutely adores him.

Manny always helps me nurse/feed. EVERY SINGLE TIME

This picture looks scary but Manny is licking Toby, not biting. Manny would lick Toby head-to-toe if I let him.

Uncle Matt & Uncle Nellie love Toby!

Unhappy Mr. Mister

Titles

I have always prided myself on my education, career accomplishments, and titles. Every time I sign something, "Jessi Molloy, MA, LCMHC, MLADC" or see one of my students raise their hands and hear them accompany it with, "Professor Molloy," I beam. I have an awesome resume including professor, clinical supervisor and the recently added "Director" at the new practice.

None of these come close to my newest title, "Mama." I had no idea this little boy would come into my work-obsessed world and completely turn it upside down. I thought I had my priorities straight until Toby came along and became the most important thing.

My work used to define me. Now I've (re)defined it as a way to support my son and family. Yes, I will go back to work, eventually, but from this point forward my life's work is raising my son.

I totally didn't see that coming and I couldn't be happier.

A Bittersweet Father's Day

This year was Aaron's first father's day. While I enjoyed spending the day honoring him (and I even had his favorite beer shipped to him as you can't buy it East of the Mississippi- I am an awesome wife!!) it was a really, really hard day for me.

I haven't spoken publicly about this, as it has been so difficult to process and heal, but this was my first father's day without my Pepe. Pepe died on Memorial Day. He died 5 days after Toby was born. Many of you know that he was, arguably, my very favorite person in the whole world. I fully believe Pepe waited for Toby's birth before he passed.

Below is the last picture I took of him. It was taken May 6th when I brought him out for his 90th birthday. Normally, I would drive to Portland AT LEAST once per month to visit with him and take him out to lunch. This particular day I brought him on a picnic at Fort Williams, a place where he used to bring me every summer when I was younger. When I dropped him off at his condo after the picnic we had the following conversation:

P: Can you write down the baby's name on this piece of paper for me?
J: Yes, of course (writing down Tobias "Toby" Herbert Molloy).
P: (smiling) He has my name as his middle name.
J: (teary) Yes, of course. You know why. (this wasn't a question)
P: I know. I do you too, Dear.

P: When do you think he'll be born?
J: Well, his due date is May 30th.
P: But when do you think that latest is that he will come? If you had to guess?
J: Oh, I would say he'd be here by May 26th, if I HAD to guess.
P: Write that down for me, okay?

When my Mom went to see him a couple of weeks later he still had the piece of paper; he showed it to her. He was already seriously declining. The Friday after I gave birth my Mom went to see him and showed him pictures of Toby. She said he was really happy. Three days later he was gone.

I am so grateful that I had such a wonderful man in my life. He meant the world to me. He inspired me and he taught me more about life than anyone else has to date. When I think of Pepe, I always think of two things. One, a seahorse. Male Seahorses are the ones who carry, birth and raise their young. He made me who I am today. He was my seahorse. Second, I think of an anchor. He was my anchor; because of him I will never go adrift.

Pepe never told me he loved me. He would never say "I love you." In the last few years of his life, the thought of him slipping away from me became so painful that neither of us would often say "I love you" I'd simply say, "Hey, Pepe... you know what?" and he'd say, "Yes, Dear. I do you too."

My son carries the name of a great man. I am so happy that Pepe was able to hear of the birth of his namesake before he slipped away.

The the last thing I whispered to him when I kissed him goodbye at his funeral?

"I do you too, Pepe."

And I do. I will. Forever.