What the... ?

I haven't been sleeping well lately, even with the assistance of my "boyfriend" so I have struggled to remember my dreams. Last night, however, I had an incredibly strange dream that I remembered parts of when I woke up this morning. I don't remember the sequence of how the dream went but I do recall some of the (strange) main themes.

• I was on a train with my mom and Aaron. My mom's character was played by Congresswoman, Gabby Giffords.
• Adele was in the dining train car singing and playing the violin, which was really a bow and arrow.
• I had to hop from one train compartment to another (using an access panel on the roof) because there was a gift shop on the other train car that was selling a ventriloquist dummy that my father-in-law really wanted.
• After buying the dummy I went back to the dining car to get a bite to eat and order a drink. I asked for a virgin daiquiri and once I had swallowed about 1/2 of the daiquiri, the ventriloquist dummy (who had joined me for lunch and was sitting on my lap because McPepe wasn't on the train) looked at me and said, "There was alcohol in that drink. Your baby will be born without  ears."

It was horrible. I can explain a lot of the things in the dream (Gabby Giffords is all over the news lately, the bow and arrow/train came from reading The Hunger Games, and the baby without ears most likely came from a clip shown on American Idol last night) but some of this, man, I'm at a loss. That dummy scared the crap out of me.

I don't think I like pregnancy dreams... or dummies... or daiquiris anymore.

Wednesday Oui: From Wolfie

I think I've made it abundantly clear that, shamefully, McDonald's Happy Meals (which contain absolutely NO nutritional value with the exception of the apple slices they have added to the box in recent years) is one of my MAJOR pregnancy cravings. I won't lie, I'm really embarrassed to admit it; I feel guilty acknowledging that I'm devouring non-food to support Alien's growth. I've even lowered myself to always carrying $4.14 on my person at all times (the cost of the Happy Meal + tax)

A few weeks ago I received an envelope in the mail from my brother, Wally (A.K.A "Wolfie), I opened it to find this:

Do I have the sweetest big brother, or what? Oui!

Push Present

**Preamble: I intend to be a working-mother. I have no judgments of and completely respect stay-at-home-moms. I also do not judge parents who enroll their child in daycare; it is an option we've discussed at length. Lastly, I love jewelry and I think any woman deserves whatever her heart desires. In short, I don't judge you, so extend me the same courtesy. Gracias.**

While doing a bit of reading on one of my maternity sites I was introduced to the concept of a "push present." Has anyone heard of this? At first, honestly, I didn't know to feel about the idea of a push present; my initial reaction was (and I think I said this out loud), "my healthy baby boy is the only thing I want!" But the more I mulled it over the more I felt like I wanted one.

A push present is a gift presented to the mother of your child after she gives birth (either vaginally or via Cesarean). It's meant to reward/thank/honor the gift she gave to you and her 40 weeks of incredibly painful exhaustion pregnancy. Typical "push presents" are things such as diamond rings, a bauble of the baby's birthstone, or something that can be kept and passed down the bloodline. Sometimes push presents include electronics; that new phone or computer. I've even read that a day of pampering (massages, facials, and/or a mani/pedi) are presented to the new Mom.

While y'all know I really love bling, at this point in my life, I don't have any desire to get a new piece of jewelry; I received my bling in 2008. I'm not into electronics so some fancy schmancy phone or computer isn't my thang. I wouldn't mind a day of pampering but I'll probably feel so disgustingly flabby after I birth Alien that the thought of a masseuse even coming near my (probably) unshaven and stretched out body completely revolts me. What's left?

I really thought about the concept. It's odd how once you (or at least this is true for me) find out you're going to have a baby material is no longer important to you. I didn't feel "right" asking Aaron for something that I would keep in my jewelry box. So, I had to ask myself, what is important to me? Then it clicked; it hit me like a ton of bricks. TIME. My time is precious. My time with my baby boy and my husband will be even more precious, especially once I return to work.

I have complete intentions of returning to work. I want to return to work. We did make the decision, however, that I will only return to work 3 days per week. I'm fortunate in that Aaron gets paternity leave. I'm due at the end of May so once Alien is out, Aaron is done for the year. This means he and I will have the entire summer with our baby. Granted I may work a bit later on in the summer but I won't be teaching and I will at least take the first 6-weeks off. This means I won't have to think about childcare options until September.

So how does this fit into my thoughts about a "push present?" When Aaron and I do return to work, him full-time, me part-time, every second we have with each other and Alien will be precious.
I've decided my push-present will be a nanny-keeper. What, pray tell, is a nanny-keeper, you ask? Well, it's someone I hire who comes to my house 3 days per week to take care of my baby, my dogs and my home.

Brilliant.

Nanny-keepers do light housework (floors, dusting, laundry, and dishes) and take care of my baby and my puppies. It will be so relieving to come home to a clean house after a day of work knowing my baby has remained in the comfort of his home and my dogs have been walked. If I can have this, then I just bought myself some time to relax with my family.

Alien will be the best gift I could ever receive. Maybe I'm greedy to want a bit more time to myself/my family/my child/my husband/my dogs. So, I cave. I am totally buying into the idea of a push present and Aaron is in agreement. We would have to pay for daycare three days per week anyway. What's a few more dollars to keep my baby in his home, my home in good order, and my sanity intact?

I'm officially requesting an Alice for my push present.

*Also, as an aside: I am getting Aaron a "pride present" to celebrate/reward/honor all those times he had to completely swallow his pride and allow me to do/say/eat whatever I wanted while pretending I'm the greatest thing to ever live and wait on me hand and foot.

Mr. Worry

Ever since I went and got myself knocked up (I know, I'm so crude) Aaron has become a worry-wart. I really didn't see that coming simply because he's usually the one to talk me off a ledge of anxiety about my worry-of-the-week! But, it seems the thought of being a Dad has scared the Bejesus out of him. The evidence? Keep reading.

***

A: "I want you to turn the heat up to 75 today."
J: "Why!?" (6 months ago this would probably have been music to my ears. Now, I'm overheated!)
A: "Because the wind is blowing really hard and it's possible we could lose power. I want there to be a good base of heat if that happens."
J: "Okay, fine."
A: "And, if the power goes out... who are you gonna call?"
J: "Ghost-bustersssss!!!" (thinking it would make him laugh)
A: (without cracking a smile) "No, PSNH. You call PSNH."

***

A: "I need a new vehicle."
J: "Well, that's probably not in the cards until next year."
A: "Well, then, I need to get the rust fixed. You could throw a baby through that rust hole!"
J: (speechless)

***

While shopping at Babies R' Us
J: "Do you like this one? The one with the owl for his "coming home" outfit?"
A: "Yes, but that's just a jumper. (It was a onesie) He'll need some pants."
J: "There aren't any matching pants."
A: "That doesn't matter. His little legs will get cold."
J: "Babe, it will be the beginning of June. We'll wrap him in a blanket."
A: "We're getting pants."

***

A: "Why are you using that water bottle?!"
J: "Because I'm thirsty."
A: "That water bottle contains BPA. Remember that article we read about BPA exposure linked to aggressive behaviors in adolescence? Use your pink water bottle. That's BPA free."

***

A: "You're 20 weeks today. You should get your line soon."
J: "My line? What line? My line of cocaine?"
A: "No, that pregnancy line that forms on your stomach."
J: "Oh, the linea nigra?"
A: "Yes."
J: "Oh... (confused) that doesn't happen to everyone... and how the hell did you know about that?"
A: "I have my sources."
(Later I discovered my What to Expect When You're Expecting book in his bathroom)

***

A: "I need to install new windows in the Baby's room."
J: "Why? I like the ones we have!"
A: "They are too close to the floor.'Baby's Name' could fall out of them."
J: "You mean 'Baby's Name' is going to climb out of his crib, unlock the window five feet off the floor, lift the window, pinch the springs to open the screen, lift the screen and fall to his death from the second story window?"
A: "Not if we get new windows."

***

A: "Be really careful out there if you walk the dogs this morning."
J: "Okay."
A: "No, really, it's slick."
J: "Gotcha."
A: "I salted... everything."

***

J: (showing him clothes I bought for Alien) "And this is the outfit he'll wear when we go to the Cape." (We rented a house on the Cape for a week this summer with Aaron's parents & brothers.)
A: "That doesn't cover a lot of skin."
J: "Well, it's going to be July, Babe."
A: "The sun coming off the ocean is brutal. He'll need a hat."
J: "Well, coincidentally, your Mom is making him one for the beach."
A: "Well, he's going to need sunscreen. Like SPF 1000."
J: "I don't think they make SPF 1000"
A: (Walking into another room... mumbles) "We'll paint him."

***

A: "I woke up last night and you were sleeping on your back."
J: "Yeah, I know."
A: "That's dangerous for you."
J: "Yeah, I need to get one of those maternity sleeping pillows at Motherhood."
(A few hours later... planning our errands)
A: "Well, we still need to go the mall."
J: "The mall?!! For what?"
A: "Motherhood. Your pillow!"

***

At Target, Aaron walks up to the Pharmacy. I'm looking at vitamins and overhear the conversation.
A: "Do you have any belly butter here? My wife's belly is *itchy."
(*Your belly gets itchy because the skin stretches)
Aaron walks over to me.
A: "They don't have any here. We should just go online."

***

A: "Have we looked into birthing classes yet?"
J: "No. I feel like it's too early."
A: "We need to look."

Seriously. These have been actual conversations over the past several months. I'm not even going to bother worrying anymore; he's doing it enough for the both of us.

My Mail Order Boyfriend

I'm in love. I'm desperately in love with my new boyfriend.

I am starting to have a really hard time sleeping and/or getting comfortable in bed. Either I turn onto my back (a no-no in pregnancy) or I try to turn onto my stomach (obvious problem) so, I've found my solution. Mr. Boppy, my total body pillow. He's my new mail order boyfriend.

He is the best snuggler in bed, he holds me tight, and he doesn't let me turn in way that's dangerous during pregnancy (or uncomfortable.) He shares the blankets, doesn't snore or breathe on me, and I can throw my leg over him and he doesn't complain. His only flaw? He kind of hogs the bed.

Aaron better watch out; this guy is amazing! (Bing is a fan too!)