When you're SEVEN

I've been playing around with the idea of this post for about 3 months; keeping it in the back of my mind and frequently adding bullet points as memory markers. Then, coincidentally, it came up in a recent discussion at a clinical meeting and it inspired me, after a long break, to write again.

Toby is just starting to comprehend the passing of time/value of time. Of course, that comprehension doesn't extend to the larger issue of doddling and stalling (that's a topic for another day.) What he is beginning to grasp is that things can't always occur immediately and some things require patience and waiting.

We try to say "yes" to Toby whenever possible and reasonable. However, there are still a lot of things we won't let Toby do/eat-- no matter how much he begs. He's three so, obviously, when we say "no" he wants to know the reason WHY he cannot participate and WHEN he can actually do what he has asked to do. We were thoroughly prepared for the "why" but were caught off guard with the "when." Thinking quickly, we assigned the arbitrary age of seven as the age when all his dreams can come true. Since deciding that seven was the magical age, many of our discussions go something like this:

T: "Mama, can we move the refrigerator into my bedroom?"
J: "No. Sorry, Babe."
T: "WHYYYYYY!!!???"
J: "Because it has to stay in the kitchen."
T: (sigh) "Fine. When I'm seven I'm going to have a fridge in my room, okay!?"
J: "Toby, if when you're seven it's still important to you to have a fridge in your room, we can discuss it then, okay?"
T: "Okay! Seven!! It's a deal!"

The other day, while having the clinical discussion referenced above, one of my colleagues mentioned that he might remember all these promises. That hadn't really occurred to me. So, the other night Aaron and I sat down and laughed about all the things Toby will be allowed to do when he comes of age. (Age being seven, of course.)


*****

May 23, 2019

Dearest Toby,

Do you remember when you were three and you would often ask Mama and Dada to participate in activities or eat foods and we told you weren't allowed? BUT, we promised that you could do all of these delightful things when you turned seven? Well, my darling, today is your lucky day.

Starting today, Toby, you can do all of the following:

Use Mama's mouthwash
Lick the railing at the Library
Finally eat that delicious looking booger
Sit on the hood of the car while we're driving down the road
Eat Strawberries
Chew Gum
Drink juice
Slither like a snake through the Mall
Drive the forklift at Home Depot
Pump gas at the gas station
Eat paper
Drive your power wheels tractor down the highway
Eat the dog bone from the bank drive-thru
Put crayons in your ears.
Wear underpants on your head
Buy red Swedish fish from Fresh Market
Take the motorized wheelchair at Target for a spin
Live in a tent underwater
Stuff yourself into the mail slot at the post office
Go to Mt. Rushmore
Wipe your bum with the shower curtain
Write checks out of my checkbook
Live in an igloo
Take presents from all the Whos Down in Whoville
Bite the dentist
Never ever (ever!!!) go to sleep again
Wear Mama and Dada's very expensive camera around your neck at an outing
Ride on the back of a Beluga whale
Keep an egg in your backpack

Now, I bet you thought we'd forget didn't you? Well, we didn't. So, let us know which activity you would like to do first.

Happy Birthday!

We love you,

Mama & Dada

Sun Salutations

Almost two weeks ago we had our Parent/Teacher conference at Toby's Montessori school. It was a very informative meeting and we were certainly given some helpful feedback about our son's strengths as well as the areas needing improvement. We learned that his language is off the charts (we've known this) we learned he gravitates toward the older children in the classroom, and he is respectful to his teachers. She also told us that he is able to work independently and he shows quite a bit of confidence.

We were told an area in need of improvement is the way he manages his need for gross-motor stimulation within the classroom environment. One of the ways they began working with Toby in this area is by introducing him to yoga. And, as it turns out...

Toby LOVES yoga.

I never saw this coming. I don't love yoga. I can't calm my mind long enough to do yoga. However, according to his teacher, he seeks out the yoga mat at least once per day to do his "Sun Salutations." She said he's getting really good at it and it seems to calm and center him.

This is another reason I'm so grateful for Montessori. I would have never exposed Toby to yoga. But, it's likely that at some point Aaron would have practiced it with him (Aaron likes yoga.) However, we may have thought he was currently "too young" or "too energetic;" completely missing the opportunity to provide him this tool. This makes me appreciate the respect Montessori has on the individual child's needs. It is not at all inappropriate that a three-year-old has boundless energy; it's inappropriate for him to deal with it by doing cart-wheels in the classroom. The fact that this was recognized and redirected, rather than shamed and stunted, further merits our decision to enroll Toby in Montessori.

These are the pictures the teacher provided to us:

Toby asked us for a yoga mat for Christmas. I think we'll oblige. 

Interviews

Montessori has been quite the adjustment for us-- from dress codes, to the elimination of nap time, to schedule changes, social influences, and my (lack of) coping with the inability to control every detail of Toby's day. Needless to say, it has been an interesting couple of months.

Every night, Aaron and I interrogate Toby about his day. We get very little out of him and, when we do, it's usually just the very last thing he did at school, "I put my shoes on the right feet!" This can be incredibly frustrating because we want to know what he does, how he feels, and hear about his day. But, we got to a point where we realized we couldn't hound him with questions because it did nothing but get us a one-way ticket to irritation.

Today I tried something different and it ended up being a really cute activity that we both enjoyed. I decided to interview Toby. We sat across from each other at the dining room table and I explained what an interview was and I told him I was going to take notes. He was really excited to "play interview." It was pretty adorable.

Here are the results:

(He insisted I call him 'Mr. Toby' like the teachers at school.)

Mama: "Mr. Toby, what was something you noticed at school this week?"
Toby: "Ms. (Teacher's name) has sharp scissors."

Mama: "Mr. Toby, what is something you learned about this week?"
Toby: "Skeletons and apples. AND OCTOBER!"

Mama: "Mr. Toby, what is something that made you happy this week?"
Toby: "Going caca in the potty all by myself."
Mama: "Excellent!"

Mama: "Mr. Toby, what was your job at school this week?"
Toby: "Cleaning up at school was my job."

Mama: "Mr. Toby, what was fun at school this week?"
Toby: "Playing in the play yard. I had fun."

Mama: "Mr. Toby, what was something you didn't like about school this week?"
Toby: "I don't like the toilet paper at school."
Mama: "Too soft?"
Toby: "Yeah."

Mama: "Mr. Toby, what was something you ate at school this week?"
Toby: "A green colored pear. It was juicy and delightful."

Mama: "Mr. Toby, what was something funny this week?"
Toby: "Ummmm, (therapy dog's name) wouldn't lay down. Because he's a working dog."

At this point I could tell he was losing steam so I suggested we end the interview. However, Toby said he wanted to interview me.

Toby: "Ms. Mama, what was your job at work this week?"
Mama: "Talking to people who don't feel well."

Toby: "Who people? Sick people?"
Mama: "Kind of like sick. They have boo-boos on their heart or in their head."
Toby: "Did you give them Band-Aids?"
Mama: "A special kind of Band-Aid."

Toby: "Ms. Mama, did you go potty by yourself?"
Mama: (laughing) "Yes, I did."
Toby: "Excellent job."
Mama: "Thank you."

Toby: "Ms. Mama, did you remember to wipe?"
Mama: (laughing)"Yes."
Toby: "Wipe good?"
Mama: "Sure did!"
Toby: "That's good."

Toby: "Ms. Mama, is it your job to eat ice cream too?"
Mama: (hahaha) "It probably seems that way, doesn't it?"

Toby: "Ms. Mama, did you miss me while I was gone?"
Mama: "Big much. I missed you great big much!"
Toby: "I missed you too. But I stay home with you today and tomorrow and the next day and the next day, right?"
Mama: "You're right, Bud."

His notes were a little more difficult to transcribe. Luckily, I took notes to his question/my answers too.

I love that kid. And I loved doing this. He never ceases to surprise me.

On Dress Codes

If I had one complaint about Toby's Montessori school it would be this:

Dress Code.

Dressing Toby has always been a part time job for me. Or, as Aaron teases, he needs a part time job because of it. At Toby's school he can only wear khaki or blue pants with yellow, blue, or white tops. No logos, patterns or characters.

THAT'S IT!

I die. Every day a little piece of me dies.

So it's shallow, I know, but, I really like to dress my kid. More accurately, I LOVE to dress my kid. Dress code was a really hard pill for me to swallow, and something I gently challenged the director of school about.

Why? If Montessori is all about individuation, why couldn't I obsessively dress him why was he not able to express himself through fashion? Mostly, her answer made sense about distractions in the classroom, equality, and environments conducive to learning. Okay, okay, I see a point. Although, the defiant part of me did want to argue about conformity, individuality, yadda-yadda-yadda. However, I accepted most of her argument.

Except this part:

"Dress code is easier." She said.

"It gives you less choice in the morning." She said.

"It's cheaper. You only need a couple shirts of each color." She said.

Does this woman not know me at all?

Toby Mail!

Growing up, Halloween was a BIG DEAL in my house. My mom would pull out all the stops when the month of October rolled around. Years later, it's evident that her holiday spirit really rubbed off on me.

If you remember, when Toby was little, he had a mailbox we would use to put his personal mail in. It was just a tiny wooden mailbox and he quickly outgrew it. He didn't, however, outgrow his obsession with the U.S. Postal Service, UPS, or FedEx (probably because whenever they arrive there is, likely, something for him delivered.)

Ahhhh, he was so little :(

Recently we decided that since he gets mail pretty regularly (our families often send him cards/letters because they know he loves getting mail- and my mother gifted him subscriptions to three monthly kid's magazines) we decided we better upgrade his delivery service.

Halloween was the perfect time to do this because I was able to work in the idea of The Great Pumpkin. The goal is to use this mailbox much like his other one except he will also, occasionally, get prizes in it- year round. And, most importantly, his letters from Santa and the Easter bunny, etc.

When he woke up this morning and saw the mailbox for the first time he said, "Hey! Something funny is going on around here!" It was adorable and he was BEYOND excited.

His letter from the Great Pumpkin. (Drawing courtesy of my talented husband!)

His mailbox came from Home Depot and was under $15! The letters were under $2!
The Great Pumpkin left him a letter and gifted him a new set of personalized Halloween  magnets for his PlanetBox lunchbox!

The magnets on his lunchbox

The letter from The Great Pumpkin came complete with pumpkin-y fingerprints.
Toby was so excited to see the messy prints on his letter!

We were able to drill it into the wall by his bedroom door after he went to bed without him waking!

The only thing we changed from a traditional box was make a red paper laminated "mail flag" because I imagined he would come around the corner and clip the standard aluminum flag with his head. So, we just used red card stock and Velcro'd it on - so it's not dangerous.

This morning I stopped off at the Dollar Tree to pick up a few things to stuff in his mailbox between now and Halloween (to add to what I previously bought, because, well, I'm insane.) Blame my mother. It's all her fault that I go nuts during _________ (fill in any/every holiday.)

So, there you have it. A pretty inexpensive and personalized way for your kid to get mail (and prizes- hehehe.)