On being the better parent...

Hey. This is my dude.

But, before he was my Dude. This was my dude.

And I love both of my dudes.

I really feel that, in the parenting world, Dudes don't get enough credit. We (Mothers) are usually the default parent because we might be the one who stays home. I know this is certainly the case in my household. I'm home with our son 4 solid days per week, where Aaron is only home in the evenings and on weekends.

When I was pregnant we made the tough decision that I would continue to work after I had Toby. I have absolutely no regrets about that. I think my ability to balance (if you can call it balance) family and the work I love makes me a more intentional parent than I might have been otherwise. I know that I have to cherish each second I have with my kid (and my husband.)

I also made the decision that I would not give myself the opportunity to be the better parent. Yes, Toby does get more upset when I leave for work, but I never ever have to worry about Toby when I'm not around. I never feel the need to leave Aaron "instructions" when I'm at work. He knows what he's doing. I know our kid will be fed, clothed and happy.

What I only partly expected, though, was that Aaron would be a great dad. I knew he would give his all to our son (just like he does with me) but I didn't expect that he would be so fun. He is silly, he is funny and he has no problem getting his hands dirty when it comes to our kid.

That said, sometimes I think I do more... and sometimes this translates into me assuming that I'm the better parent. I take care of more. I have to remember more. I have to schedule more. I have to run more errands. I have to kiss more boo-boos. I have to anticipate when we might run out of milk or vitamins. I have to ___________.

But, it's the little things in life. The things like realizing your Dude has been wearing a dragon tail for the better part of the night, while doing construction, because he forgot to take it off after his son clipped it to his pants earlier in the evening for a "dragon parade."

It's when I load up my camera and find pictures (that I didn't take) of our son doing every day things that Aaron found essential to capture.

It's listening, every night, to 30 minutes of bedtime stories from the other room. The 30 minutes I sacrifice to them together without interruption so Aaron can be the last person Toby sees before going to sleep. It's the 30 minutes that were only supposed to be 15 minutes but Toby keeps asking for another book. And I smile because I know he gets Aaron's heart in a vice-grip (just like Mama does) and Aaron reads him one more. Then just one more after that. Then he reads him the last one. Then ends it with "Really the last one this time."

It's the moments like these (as a self-proclaimed safety inspector) that make me cringe but make my heart swell because, well, boys will be boys.

 And then it's moments like these. Where Aaron's hand is always out for Toby. A hand that will either catch him if he falls or hold him while exploring.

 

Every single night during dinner we always have Toby tell us about his day. Whether we were both present for it or not. Last night Toby went on for a few minutes about a booger (he's so gross-- totally my son, right?) and how he and Dada searched for his booger. I looked at Aaron inquisitively and he told me that Toby picked a booger out and then lost it on the ground. (Which, to an almost three-year old is apparently devastating.) Aaron said that he and Toby searched for the lost booger for about 15 minutes. (Unfortunately, it wasn't found in case you were wondering, LOL.) I chuckled at this story and in my head said to myself "Ha... Well, better you than me."

Then, as if Toby had heard my internal dialogue, he looked at me and said, "Yep, Mama. Dada looked for Toby's booger. Toby's booger gone. I luff Dada." And I realized in that moment that I probably wouldn't have conducted a thorough investigation for the booger at large. I can imagine that when Toby told me he lost it I would have shrugged my shoulders and probably said something like, "Oh well. Booger is gone. We'll get another one soon."

It's moments like that when I'm grateful to be reminded that I'm not the better parent. It illustrates how lucky I am to have a dude who will find joy in things that might never occur to me. Things that are important to our kid at the moment. Things I might find a waste of time.

And it makes me love my Dudes. Especially the one I married.