Happy Birthday, Toby

Our little boy is ONE today.
It is completely unreal.
I have no idea how it happened so fast.
It feels like we just brought him home from the hospital.

In the past year I have learned more about life than I ever could have imagined. I have such a sense of mortality, such a sense of responsibility, and a pride in parenting. I'm stronger as a wife, more tolerant as a human being, and more grateful than I can put into words.

I have experienced many wonderful moments throughout my life but, none compare to every second spent with our son. Work has a different meaning, money has a different meaning, and life has a new purpose.

How did we get here? How is it that we went from two people who worked together and very much disliked each other, to dating, getting engaged, buying a house, getting married and having a son? I just don't understand how I ended up here. Certainly, it must be Karma returning to me. I have more happiness and love in my life than any one person should.

I tell Toby every day that I love him, that's he a good boy, and that he made me a better person. He made me a Mama. He changed my world; he reinvented my definition of happiness. Toby has made my experience of being his Mama so exciting and rewarding and thought-provoking and profound. I remember life before him, but I feel so much more alive with him.

I have sung Aaron's praises since the beginning of time. He never ceases to amaze me as a father to our son. He is the best partner I could ask for. I am so thankful for how hard he works, how supportive he is, and how much he empowers me as a woman and mother, yet still cherishes me as his wife. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Aaron loves me wholly, completely, selflessly, and unconditionally. I know, no matter what the issue, he is my biggest fan, loudest cheerleader, and solid ally.

But, to see him with our son is really something else entirely. I can't describe it any other way than it truly pulls at my heart. He has done everything I have done. Diaper for diaper and bottle for bottle he matches my pace. Most days Toby has no preference over any parent. Aaron can soothe him just as well as I can. He is just as happy to see Daddy as he is to see Mama. I am completely confident that Aaron is as competent at parenting our son as I am. I never allowed there to be any other option. Aaron does everything for this family. Aaron loves his son and loves his wife. I am so lucky to know that with such conviction. I can't imagine ever doubting that. Aaron would never allow any other option.

Toby makes himself so easy to love. He's a big flirt; his smile is contagious. He has a giant heart, he loves animals and music and books and his family. Toby makes the sun shine.

When I was pregnant I wrote a blog about all of my wishes and hopes about being a mother and having a son. I still want all of those things... and more. But at the end of the night, when we put Toby in his pajamas and we say goodnight, all I really want is for him to know just how much we love him. I go to bed, excited for the moment when I hear him peeping from his crib and I can snatch him up and start a new day. How lucky are we, as parents-- as people-- to get this little person, who comes with a clean slate and so much curiosity. How did we get here? What have I done to deserve this? I will never take for granted the gift we have been given.

There are no words to sum up the past year. But I can say that I have lived more intentionally in the past 365 days than I ever did before I became Toby's mother.

Thank you, Toby. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
Happy Birthday, Little Dude, Mr. Mister, Precious Alien, Darling Boy. We love you.