Wednesday Oui: Ouizell's Vacation

When Aaron and I first moved in together I bought my dogs a "welcome to your new home" gift; a white weasel looking thing with buck teeth. I bought it (impulsively) at Family Dollar while I was there doing my quarterly acquisition of household cleaning products. This toy, haphazardly thrown into the cart as an afterthought, has earned quite the reputation.

Now, to understand the extent to which my dogs are spoiled you have to realize how many toys/accessories these boys have. They get a new Halloween costume every year, a tee-shirt for every occasion, life jackets, Santa suits, reindeer antlers, winter boots, raincoats, cooling collars, bathrobes and I even had tuxedo shirts imported from Japan for my wedding. These dogs want for nothing

All of our toys (the ones most frequently played with) have names. Why? Because my dogs have a supreme intelligence which allows them to learn the names of their toys. If we were to say, "Bing, where's Bluey?" He would run around the house and seek out Bluey and return him to me (after, of course, first having sex with Bluey [Bluey is a blue bull who happens to be the one and only toy that has earned Bing's sexual affection]). But, the favorite toy of my dogs happens to be "Ouizell" the dollar store toy bought on a whim. Of all the toys they own (including a $20 hand-puppet giraffe [which they completely discarded after I ordered it]) they like this cheap animal the best. So much so that he needs to be with them most of the time. Whenever we travel, if Bing sees Ouizell go into his overnight bag (yes, they have their own overnight bag, from L.L. Bean-- it's monogrammed) he will get so anxious because he knows we're going somewhere. Ouizell has had to visit the doctor several times over the past 4 years, has several scars (stitches), only one working squeaker remains intact and is now tailless and toothless. Plus, not only does Ouizell sleep in bed with us-- every night, Ouizell was also a guest at our wedding.

The point of this blog? Well, Aaron and I are completely stressing about leaving the pups for the 17 days we are in Alaska/Seattle. My Mother is taking them at the farm and they'll have a great time with their cousins (my Mom's chihuahuas) but, as their Mama, I worry about them. So much so that I actually had a nightmare about Alaska/Ouizell last night.

As I said, Aaron and I will be gone for 17 days. We have two formal dinners on the cruise, we will be in various climates and we'll most likely need to pack a lot of clothing. As a result, we have been discussing the purchase or use of one of those things that sucks the air out of stuff so you can pack a bunch of crap in a suitcase. Well, in my dream last night, we arrived safely in Alaska and as I unpacked my suitcase I realized Ouizell had somehow been packed and vapo-sealed into our luggage. In my dream, I lost it. I absolutely, without a doubt, lost my shit screaming that "not only had we left the pups for a significant amount time, we had also taken their baby." (I legitimately cannot explain how much they love this toy). In the dream I insisted on overnighting the weasel to my mother's farm so they boys wouldn't be without this ratty beast for another second. It was crazy and I woke up in a panic.

Come to think of it, I am crazy. It's impossible to explain how much I love these dogs. Seriously, when it comes to my dogs I am certifiably sick in the head. Oui?