The little engine that could-- but doesn't wanna

I think I'm getting old.

Or just tired.

I really don't like to use this as forum to complain but man, my schedule is just too much. And besides, who made that rule? Me? Yes. I can break the rules I make. That's the point of this whole blog. I make all these stupid rules for myself. I booby-trap my own life.

Maybe I'm beginning to realize the real joys in life are at home and what I used to see as accomplishment happens to be what has made me so busy. I know I can do anything. I've accomplished more in my 29 years than many have in a lifetime. I've proven it to myself (as I'm my worst and only critic.) So, can I be done now?

I'm tired, my body is telling me to slow-the-bleep-down, and I miss my husband while I'm out of the house working "24 hours per day."

Something has gotta give and it's not going to be me. Never, in a MILLION years, would I have thought I would be someone to slow down but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for new opportunities that will afford me the TIME to enjoy life a little bit more. I've been blessed enough for a lifetime and I've worked really hard for that. I can make peace with being a little less of everything I am right now.

I want to be home when it's still light out. I want to have dinner with my husband on a weeknight. I want the weekend to come and not be so completely exhausted that I use every ounce of my remaining energy to finish tasks I couldn't complete during the week. Maybe that's just the way life is and everyone's life is the same. For me, it's just getting old and tiresome...

wake-up

chores
work
sleep
wake-up
chores
work
sleep

I'm one of those people who really does work non-stop. I need to cure myself of myself... if that makes sense.

While I've been sick for the past 3 days (two of which I actually called out of work [GASP]) I've sat down and had a heart-to-heart with myself. What is keeping this train chugging along? I don't know. But there isn't any reason the train has to go full throttle.

Merely saying this out loud is a huge challenge for me. I'm not saying I can't do something (you hear that, Jessi?) I think I'm saying it's okay to take the less challenging trail... occasionally. Who knows, I might be able to enjoy the scenery a bit more.