You know you're pregnant when:

• You vowed NOT to be one of those bloggers who turns their fun little site into daily discussions about having a baby and being pregnant. Well... looky what we have here.
• Your husband sends you to Hannaford for a gallon of milk and you legitimately come home after spending $67.83 even though you went for groceries two days ago. ("But, I needed these whoopie pies, crab stuffed mushroom caps, and trough of hummus.")
• The minute you arrive at a restaurant or movie theater, you case the premises like a burglar trying to locate the nearest bathroom.
• Your grammar and spelling goes completely unchecked. I don't know what has happened to me but my normally pristine grammar, spelling, and proof reading has completely failed me as of late. Recently, I've looked at things I've written on facebook only to find I completely left out entire words. I've read recent posts on my blog and found errors (gasp). Tragically, just the other day, I opened a client file to retrieve a report I'd written and just as I watched it get sucked into the fax machine (straight to the waiting hands of a probation officer) I realized I'd written the word "ass" instead of "ask". This is horrifying simply because I am very particular about grammar/spelling and punctuation. No amount of proof reading seems to cure it because my brain reads what it wants!
• During your day of shopping you fit in a quick stop at Sam's Club because you need a "snack" and there are free samples of something in.every.single.aisle.
• When dressing in the morning you put on a nice pair of heels, walk a few steps, laugh, and then kick them off and slide into your clogs.
• You're a regular at Coldstone Creamery and the servers smile knowingly when you enter (they even pack a little extra into the "kid's size" ice cream you requested [even though you wanted to eat right out of the display case.])
• You underestimate the size of your beach-ball belly and accidentally rest it against the ironing board while pressing your clothes before work. Yeah, I still don't have any stretch marks (Thank you, Burt's Bees) but I have a pretty nasty burn! :(
• You're in such a hurry to eat dinner that you screw the top of your hamburger bun back on the pickle jar and put the cap to the pickle jar on the top of your hamburger.
• You put on a jacket you haven't worn in a few weeks to find the pockets packed with the "loot" you snuck into the movie theater... and you promptly eat it...rightthenandthere.
• Anyone can lure you anywhere with food. I have complete confidence that I would probably get into a car with a stranger who offered me candy.
• Because of your increased blood volume and heavy load you carry around daily, you pant as if you've just run 26.2 miles, even though you're completely at rest.
• You used to scoff at bras that had 3 or more hooks in the back; vowing you'd never be caught dead in any bra that didn't have lace or had more than two hooks. Now you rock a beige 5-hooker with lasagna straps simply because it's comfortable.
• You "save things up" at the bottom of the stairs because the thought of running up the stairs to put away one item (like you used to) is no longer appealing. So, you stockpile until there is an accumulation worthy of heaving yourself up 13 measly stairs.

Am I the only one?

It's time once again to fess up, people:

Am I the only one who: can't tolerate the look of an empty dish rack sitting on a counter? Either keep it filled with clean dishes or hide the thing under the sink.

Am I the only one who: the minute hangnail forms is forced to pick at it until I strike blood?

Am I the only one who: can't resist clicking on tempting news headlines? "Woman rubs buttocks on 10-million-dollar piece of art.", "198 pound tumor removed.", "Could that spot be skin cancer?" "Real invisibility cloak invented!"?

Am I the only one who: gives make-overs (in my mind) to strangers?

Am I the only one who: has to (sometimes) change the channel when I'm watching a reality show (like American Idol) because I get so embarrassed for the contestants?

Am I the only one who: on any given day contemplates trying out for "The Biggest Loser" because I feel like a neanderthal?

Am I the only one who: would like to remind the world that "a lot" is two words, not one?

Am I the only one who: gets incredibly pissed off by the mere sight of "Flo" on the Progressive commercials.

Am I the only one who: promises myself (with absolute certainty) that tomorrow I'm going to go crawling back to Planet Fitness... knowing full well I'm full of shit?

Am I the only one who: finds it amusing that when you order orange juice at a restaurant they basically bring you a shot glass of orange juice? How the hell do you expect me to ration that out?

Am I the only one who: Absolutely loves the "J.G Wentworth" commercial (the one on the bus with the viking opera singer)? "I have a structured settlement and I neeedddd casssshhhh noooowwwww."

Wednesday, Oui: Postcards from the Bump

How far along? 24 Weeks! 16 Weeks left!!

Total weight gain/loss: As of my 24-week check-up (yesterday afternoon) 17 pounds! According to my doctor I'm right on target and doing great with weight gain! (although, it did hurt a little bit when I was weighed.)

Baby's size? According to the websites I follow he's as long as an ear of corn and just over 1 pound!

Maternity clothes? Oh hell yes. Begrudgingly. We're remodeling the closets in our bedroom so I had to clear out all my "pre-pregnancy" clothes and temporarily move them to another room last weekend. I cried. True story. They were all so little!

Stretch Marks? None yet but I'm on the lookout. Crossing my fingers I'll escape them!

Sleep: Yes, please! Sleep is not going too well.

Best moment this week: Aaron saw Alien kicking... from the outside. We laughed that he has bicycle legs like Daddy!

Movement: All over, twisting and turning. I'm pretty sure he sucker punched me the night I ate chili.

Food cravings: Ice cream

Gender: Boy! Boy! Boy!

Labor Signs: None yet but, I have had a few Braxton Hicks. They aren't really painful; just uncomfortable.

Belly Button in or out? This close (-) to being out.

What I miss: Caffeine, being able to see my feet, a good night of sleep

What I am looking forward to: Kissing my baby on his cute little head. I'm so in love with him that I'll probably just eat him right after I deliver him. Gobble him right up. Some mothers eat their young so it won't be all that unusual.

Milestones: I'm at 24 Weeks, which is considered viability (if something were to happen there is a chance my little man would survive outside of the womb) I'm glad to reach this milestone but content to keep cooking him.

Other baby updates? I'm going to see my family this weekend! I'm sure they'll be loving on the baby bump :)

16 more weeks. That's CRAZY! Oui?

Nissan Muranos, birth weight, and handshakes

Last night I had a dream about Alien's birth. Here are the details:

Much of the process of going to the hospital/discussions about "I'M IN LABOR, DRIVE FASTER!" took place in my brother-in-law's new Nissan Murano (except it was silver in the dream- in real life it's black). For some reason he was driving me and Aaron to the hospital (at York Beach). He had to make a U-turn into a marshy area and I was worried about the salt water damaging his vehicle.

Alien arrived as expected; he was 7lbs 5oz and he was born at 8:58AM (not sure what the date was but, it was warm-ish weather and I was full-term so it must have been late May/early June.)

I also remember that Alien was really cute. So cute, in fact, that he won awards and we hung them in our friend's parent's restaurant (Amy??!! LOL).

The only other thing I can remember is that we named him exactly the name we have planned... but, we didn't have to announce the name to the public because the baby introduced himself the minute he exited my womb. He even extended his little hand for a handshake and said:

"Hi, I've been eavesdropping and I heard they plan on calling me "_______ _______ Molloy". It's a pleasure to meet you."

So, that's the dream birth story; let's see how much of this proves to be accurate.

I only had a grilled cheese and chocolate milk for dinner. I swear!

The day I knew

I'm certain I've mentioned in here but, the very first month we tried to conceive--it was mission accomplished. I honestly had it in my mind, for one reason or another, that it would take us a while to get pregnant. I was banking on at least 6 months of trying... little did I know.

The pictures above are the first known pictures of me when I suspected I was pregnant. It was Sunday, September 11th and Aaron and I had driven out of town to deliver a chair we sold to a woman on Craigslist. I was 19 days pregnant. On the way back home from delivering the chair (it was still early- around 10AM) we decided to hike Pulpit Rock in Bedford.

Aaron and I hike quite often. I wouldn't say I'm in pristine physical shape but, I can do moderate physical activity for a prolonged period of time without wanting to keel over so, I am not ashamed of my fitness level. However, on the day in question I told Aaron, "I just don't feel right. My stomach feels weird and my boobs are killing me!" His response was something along the lines of, "Well, do you think you're getting sick? And why do your boobs hurt?!" I responded, "Dude, seriously, I think I'm pregnant." (Often, despite his objections, I call him Dude). He stopped in his tracks, looked at me and through a sympathetic laugh he said gently, "Babe, there is no way you'd know yet... and we just started trying."

Over the next two weeks I was super aware of everything happening to my body. I was very lucky that I never experienced the nausea that goes along with many pregnancies but one tell-tale sign that something was off was (sorry if this is TMI [ahem, McPepe]) my breasts were on fire. Their mere existence was miserable; walking up and down the stairs was excruciating, showering was painful, and sleeping was torturous.

Still, I didn't say anything more about my suspicions (except to my sister) until 14 days later when I tested positive for Alien. Prior to my actual positive test I had tested two other times because I just felt "something was up." Both of those tests were negative... and I was devastated!

On September 24th I had my first day of classes for my doctorate program (which, by the way, I have put on hold for who knows how long). All day long I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open which, was odd. I take anything career related pretty seriously so the fact that I was clock watching so I could nap was seriously out of character for me.

Toward the end of the day, I met with the rest of my peers so we could exchange schedules/contact information because we'd been assigned a group project. Most of the members of my cohort were teachers so I made some mention that my schedule was crazy and would be very opposite most everyone elses, given my hours. One woman responded, "Oh, just wait until you have kids... you don't know what a crazy schedule is until you're a mother."

Immediately I was offended by this comment, for many reasons. One: I don't believe that a person "doesn't truly know busy" unless they are a parent. I think there are completely different types of "tired" and "busy" when you're a parent. I would never debate this with anyone. Two: I had taken two failed pregnancy tests in the past 2 weeks and it was completely insensitive of her to say that (even though she had no clue.) So, I responded by screwing up my face into the nastiest "I hate you" look I could possibly muster. Now, this in and of itself is odd too, simply because I have an extremely thick skin and normally I would just let a comment like that slick off my back. It bothered me so much that I called Aaron on my way home to lick my wounds.

Very early the next morning, Sunday, September 25th, I woke up around 3AM because I had to pee. It was almost 5 days after I had expected my period to arrive but, again, I didn't place too much stock in this because I had never been regular before I was put on birth control. Now that it was my first month off "the pill" in over 14 years, I had figured my cycle would be all messed up anyway. My sister had been urging me to take another pregnancy test but, I was holding out because it was incredibly painful each time I saw a big fat negative.

So, I was up, I had a full/ripe bladder, I had one pregnancy test left and I figured, "Oh, what the hell." I peed on the little sick and set it on the counter. After I washed my hands I picked up the little stick (I wasn't wearing my glasses) and saw it said "Pregnant". Immediately I was flooded with one million emotions. I went limp with that hot flushed feeling, similar to the one you get when you're driving along, minding your business and you look in the rear view mirror and see blue lights flashing behind you. I was elated, scared and, in disbelief.

So, I did what any other person would do. In my mind I said "Duuuddddeee" then out loud I said "Huh" and put the test in a drawer and went to bed.

It's weird how much has changed since that night. It feels as though I've made complete transformations in my thoughts and priorities:

It's hard to sit back and watch my body change.
It's amazing to watch my body change.
It is so unusual to feel the love and protectiveness I feel for someone I haven't even met yet.
I will never get used to feeling the little kicks and jabs of my son; I never take his movements for granted. It's amazing to have this little secret with Alien; there isn't anyone who knows him (yet) quite like I do.
I never feel alone... which is both comforting and unsettling.

This last part is so embarrassing and I haven't said it out loud to anyone. Whenever I think about my little Alien and the fact that in about 16 weeks I'll have my baby to share with the world, all I can hear in my mind is "Slacker Steve" from the commercials years ago saying, "Dude, you're getting a Dell."