Freak out Friday

As mentioned previously, while Mister is pretty a-okay in my book, everything isn't always butterflies and flowers. He's a toddler. We've sprinted into toddlerdom. He's a handful, he's a mover (he's fast) and he has a giant personality. He's very independent.

So I'm adding a new feature, "Freak out Friday" to this blog. Occasionally, on Fridays, (which means less than once per month when I actually find time to blog) I'll post about the catastrophes which caused Toby to lose his cool over the week. Now, I must preface this by saying, I am a lucky Mama. My kid is fun. He's funny. He's affectionate (but likes his space too.) He's smart, and he's all the other good things every narcissistic parent says. Amiright?

But, hundreds of times per day occasionally, he'll freak out. Completely melt-down. Lose his cool, like WHOA!

This week's "Freak Out Friday" is sponsored in part by:
New England Winter
Barnes & Noble
Traveling
Kohler
The Mall of New Hampshire
Bing, the Chihuahua
Mama and Daddy

Below are Toby's most memorable melt-down moments:

Because we tried to brush his teeth before bed. Like big giant tears and blotchy skin kind of cry.

Because Daddy wouldn't let him drink out of the sippy cup he had thrown in the toilet moments earlier.

Because I wouldn't let him pretend my packet of birth-control pills was a telephone.

Because Daddy wouldn't let him use the cat door to go downstairs and investigate the cellar.

Because I wouldn't let him suck on the soap dispenser at Bath & Body Works.

Because I wouldn't let him eat the piece of cheese he threw in the dog's water bowl.

Because Daddy wouldn't read him a 5th story before bed.

Because the battery on his Fisher Price puppy died, and we had to take the dog apart to change it (he wept and signed "hurt" the entire time.)

Because I wouldn't let him ride the train at the mall, a third time.

Because I spoke sternly to him when he pressed on the dog's eyes.

Because I put his shoes on.

Because I took his shoes off.

Because, after falling multiple times and bumping into every piece of furniture, I finally put him down for a nap.

Because Daddy put "broom" in time out after he swung it at the cat.

Because we wouldn't let him stand on the new guitar we gave him for Valentine's day.

Because I wouldn't let him use the feather duster he found BEHIND the counter at Barnes and Noble.

You know you're a mama when- Edit and Repost

***As I was looking back over the postings of 2013, I came across this one. I still found it to be so true and relevant. So, I added several and edited a few. I speak the truth, folks.

You know you're a Mama when:

1. Your checkbook is often filed between two diapers in the inside pocket of your gigantic diaper bag (and there are likely no checks left in it.)

2. Your idea of curling up with a book now consists of reading your kindle with one eye on the screen and the other casing the living room to locate your child, who is ostensibly getting into some type of shenanigans (and you've been reading the same page for 36 minutes.)

3. You drive right by your house on the way home from work because, for once, you're alone in the car and something besides Raffi is on the radio. So, you're going to listen to the whole song, damn it, and you might even try to blow your speakers. So what if it's REO Speedwagon

4. Your personal bedtime now comes with a deep and specific satisfaction because you devoted your day to raising a person. It's in a similar "satisfaction category" as that exhausted/elated feeling you have when you eat an entire pu-pu platter single-handedly. Also similar to that feeling you get when you lay yourself over your comforter after cleaning the house top to bottom, painting your toenails, flossing your teeth and plucking your eyebrows all in the same day. Except now, rarely do you do any of the aforementioned things in the same week.

5. You waltz into City Hall at 4:00 on the last day of the month and your car is due to be registered and you don't consider it procrastination. It's an accomplishment. 

You know you're a Mama when:

6. The woman at Barnes and Noble, who just informed you (and your eager one-year-old in tow) that the activity you signed up for is geared toward children ages four to seven, promptly scurries off to retrieve an activity packet for your child simply because of your non-verbal reaction. (which resembles that of the creeptastic serial killer in the most recent scary movie you watched, (approximately 3 years ago) which looks a lot like a slight smile spreading across your face, never quite reaching your eyes, and blinking twice... slowly.)

7. Your checkbook register has crumpled receipts shoved in the pages and your new definition of balanced finances is determined by whether or not you have more money than you estimate you have in receipts.

8. You used to despise going to the grocery store and could be in and out like lightening. Now, it takes you almost an hour to pick up a handful of items because, well, you're all by yourself and you're going to do some window shopping. So what if it's at the local Hannaford and you're in the All Natural Food aisle. You're FREE, you're FREEEEEEE!

9. Every single person you come across who is unfamiliar to you is either a child molester or a kidnapper.

10. You know exactly how much a gallon of organic whole milk costs at each local store. And what their hours are.

You know you're a Mama when:

11. You can accurately "eyeball measure" liquid ounces.

12. You find yourself singing your daily tasks.

13. You think nothing of smelling (insert practically anything here) to see if it's clean/needs a change/past its expiration date/unidentifiable.

14. You no longer enjoy a food item all by yourself. You get about half of whatever it is you ordered; one quarter of the other half goes to your kid who wants whatever it is, the other quarter goes directly onto the floor.

15. You judge how often you need to wash your floors by looking at the bottom of your child's socks.

You know you're a Mama when:

16. Everything is poison or a choking hazard.

17. You roll your eyes and think, "Jesus, again?" when you see yet ANOTHER uploaded picture of a toddler on your Facebook newsfeed. Then you slowly shrink into yourself when you realize the picture is of your kid... and it's the 7th one you've uploaded that day. Then you say a secret prayer hoping that some of your friends have "hidden" your posts on their newsfeed.

18. You attempt to leave your house without your car keys, wallet or debit card but you can bet the farm that you've remembered Sophie the Giraffe, a change of clothes, back up snacks and booger wipes.

19. It took you almost an hour to actually leave the house.

20. You've learned to multi-task like nobody's business. You clean out your purse while in line at the bank, check your email while on the toilet, and wash your hair in the shower while magic erasering the bottom of the tub with your foot.

You know you're a Mama when:

21. You make phone calls to family and friends while you're in the car by yourself because it's one of the only times you can guarantee a conversation without someone beating on a tambourine in the background.

22. (Mom's who do some work from home will appreciate this) You know exactly how many puffs you need to hand feed your child to keep them silent while you make a business call.

23. Your automatic cure for that rogue gray hair used to be placing a frantic call to your stylist. Now your automatic solution is a headband and a bit of mascera. Your roots can totally wait until you get around to making your hair appointment... in 10 weeks... when you have time.

24. You spend 35 minutes putting together a beautiful plate of healthy balanced food for your child yet your lunch consists of an expired yogurt, a handful of almonds, and the soft and questionable cucumber in the produce drawer of your fridge.

You know you're a Mama when:

25. You get a secret sense of satisfaction when your kid fills his diaper because you know what? You worked hard to feed him the food he just crapped out. And how cute is it that he pooped? His bowels work! They work! Pat yourself on the back, Mama, you made that body and it works like a well-oiled machine.

26. You just read #25 and nodded in agreement.

27. You actually wrote #25 and didn't contemplate deleting it.

28. Your husband leaves for a few hours with the kid and the thing you're looking forward to the most is a toss up between a shower where you don't have to make the choice between conditioning your hair or shaving your legs. Or taking a crap in peace.

29. You no longer shop for yourself. Your closet, which used to house beautiful clothes with matching accessories, has remained the same for the better part of two years. However, your child's wardrobe is often revamped and organized according to the season.

30. Your excuse for things off limits is that, "It's broken" or "All done." And when a co-worker asks what happened to the tape dispenser you automatically put both hands up and sign, "All done" and say, "tape all gone." Before flushing deep red.

You know you're a Mama when:

31. You get on your hands and knees and stare intensely at your child's private parts while they are sitting on the potty. And then you sing and wave bye-bye to the poop that goes down the toilet. Without flinching.

32. You know the exact number of days you can go without washing your hair before you look homeless.

33. You have their Easter outfit planned before Christmas arrives.

34. When making the weekly grocery list you find yourself planning your meals via song, "Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dogs!"

35. When your child is napping, you are like a wild animal stalking its prey. If there is so much as a car driving by that honks, you WILL get the plate number and hunt them down.

36. You language consists of things you never dreamed you'd say out loud:

1. "Do you need to go caca out of your butt?"
2. "What that? That's your penis."
3. "GIVE ME THAT QUARTER. WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT?! DO NOT PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH... ONE... GIVE IT TO MAMA... TWO... YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO GET TO FIVE... THREE..."
4. "Thomas the train wants Toby to brush his teeth. Choo-choo."
5. "Can we just have one meal where we eat in peace, Toby? Just one?"
6. "If you throw that in the trash again, it's going to stay there Mister. I'm serious. Now Bunny is in the trash. Do you want Mama to get bunny out?"

37. You can identify the object being dropped in the toilet, sight unseen, just by the sound of it hitting the water. 

38. You know all the songs on your child's toys and you realize you sing them to yourself... when you're all alone. "Do your ears hang low, do they waggle to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow..."

You know you're a Mama when:

39. You're so used to being nice and calm around your child that you save up all your rage for the general public. You glare with contempt at the childless couple rolling their eyes in disgust as they watch your child empty his plate onto the floor at a local restaurant. You secretly want to fast walk over to their table and bitch slap them.

40. You find yourself actively and silently reminding yourself to "not share another story about your kid" when having lunch with a girlfriend. "Act cool" you tell yourself... and then you notice the half dissolved puff and spot of pouch on your pants.

41. You knew EXACTLY what I was referring to when I said "puff" and "pouch.

42. Anything can be a toy when you desperately need it to. "Toby, we're almost through check out! Look at how fun Mama's zipper is! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZIPPPPPPPPPP, ZIPPPPYYY!"

43. You eat the handful of food your kid just took out of his mouth, after he chewed/sucked on it for a few minutes because, shit, he's sharing and you want to reinforce how much you appreciate it.

44. You watch the same three Raffi YouTube videos. EVERYSINGLENIGHT before bed.

45. After the same YouTube videos you and your partner pretend to make vomiting noises for the better part of 10 minutes when you change your child into his pajamas, because it's the only thing that will keep them still/laughing long enough to clean their face and change their clothes.

46. You nodded in solidarity at #45 because you will go to any measure to help your child complete a task with out a tantrum.

47. Your kid absolutely owns you and the sound of their laughter is the only thing that matters at the end of the day.

48. You sit on the toilet at work and then gasp and jump off, slamming the door with unintended force, when you realize your child isn't there... and you can go pee with the door closed.

49. You can complete more things in a 90-minute nap time than you could in an entire weekend, pre-child.

50. At least once per day your living room looks like a war zone.

Pizza!

Toby is big into "helping" these days. He wants to "help" with anything and everything. He'll clean up his toys at the end of the night, put his dishes in the sink after meals and, lately, he has definitely wanted to help cook.

Remember about a year ago (OMG, A YEAR?!) I said I started dragging his highchair into the kitchen while Aaron and I prepared food? Well, we really devoted ourselves to doing this in hopes that Toby would have an appreciation for food, how it's prepared, and enjoy it. We make a BIG deal out of dinner time with much pomp and circumstance. We even have theme nights: "Finger Food Fridays" and then a themed meal one day per week. For example, on "Italian Night" we might make spaghetti and meatballs and pull up some Italian music on Pandora. If we are truly ambitious, we will even pull print out a few facts on Italy (or the theme location) and read them to Toby... or have him color a map of the country.

Is he retaining any of this? Probably not. BUT, what we are doing is making routine and traditions. I know people with children around my son's age think their child is too young for things like this (hence, insinuating that my son is too young also) but, I never allow myself to think that he won't get anything out of these types of activities. Perhaps, yes, when I ask him to help me make pizza, he's just throwing around dough and cheese, but we're spending time together and I'm letting him be curious and explore food.

Over Christmas we went to the farm and my mom gave us her recipe to make pizza from scratch. So we did it for the first time in Maine over Christmas (she even made us ALL matching aprons.)

Now, every Wednesday, Toby and I make pizza. He gets so excited when I pull his apron down from the hook. He'll run to the kitchen to grab his ladder. He knows. That much he has retained. And, when the pizza is done, I will compliment him on what a good job he did making pizza. You know what? He will even eat an entire slice.

I'm not going to lie, it would be "so much easier" for me to just make the pizza on my own; not worry about putting things in little dishes so he can spread the toppings more easily- (thus doing way more dishes than actually required to make pizza.) Further, it would be much less labor intensive to not have to clean cheese, sauce, and toppings from the floor and rug. But then I would miss moments like this:

"Written by Mama, Illustrated by Dada" Oui?

It's no secret that my husband is an incredibly talented woodworker; I've made mention to this fact several times. In looking back over the last few years, it occurred to me just how much my husband does for me, our son, and our family. 

In our relationship we've often joked about how I'm the "writer" and he's the "illustrator" (literally.) I will come up with an idea and he will make it happen; come hell or high water, he will make it happen.

Allow me a moment to brag about his work:

 

 

The shed he built for us in 2010

Our son's nursery used to be our office. I wanted it completely remodeled... and he did it. He did it while working full-time. He even added a few of his own touches to the room. What he did to the floor in Toby's closet almost brought me to my knees. I had NO idea this was happening (being pregnant, I mostly stayed out of the room while it was being remodeled- especially when the floors were being done.) This speaks to how much he loves me and our son.

He also put a bookshelf into the wall. Granted, I wasn't happy about it at first but, now I appreciate his penchant for utility in our tiny little house.

And one of my favorite pieces (among the many not even mentioned here) is the ticket booth for our little ringmaster's first birthday. When I told my husband I wanted a ticket booth built from wood, to be used for just a couple of hours... just a prop for our son's first birthday.. he didn't flinch. He just did it. And it took him months.

The dude loves his son and his wife, what I can say?

Well, the other morning as I was moving some things around, I flipped Toby's Christmas box over to find this, burned into the bottom:

Again, I had no idea he did this on the bottom. I would never think to look at the bottom. This just speaks to Aaron's style; he does things for us without any expectation of return or praise. (But, you can certainly bet that I'm going to make note of it.)

I don't even really know if I'm making any sense here. I just felt this was something that needed to be documented forever in the archives of this blog; our virtual scrapbook. And, in the spirit of the season, I just have to acknowledge one of the greatest gifts life has given me is the unconditional love of my husband. Loving me is a tall order. Aaron never ceases to step up to the plate and illustrates, on a daily basis, the depth of his love and commitment to us. Therefore, it must be written. Oui?

It's beginning to look a lot...

"Enough with the Christmas posts, Jessi."
"But... but, I can't help it, I'm in the spirit this year!"

Okay folks, I'm sorry. I know it gets repetitive. Perhaps even a touch annoying. So, if you find yourself rolling your eyes already, turn back now! It's another Christmas post. I can't help it. This is really the first year that our little dude gets the concept of Christmas; I'm just so excited. He has completely reinvented the holiday for me and I want to document every single second of it... and share it with my friends and family near and far!

Toby has basked in a couple of fun filled weeks kicking off Christmas. As I mentioned in previous posts, we're pretty much all ready to go; so we are just enjoying everything the season has to offer.

It all began just before Thanksgiving... We made a trip up to the farm and, on the way back to N.H., we stopped in Freeport to hit up L.L. Bean and Johnny Rockets. Have you been to Johnny Rockets? It's a cute old-school diner. The wait staff sing. It's the kind of place you unbutton your pants when you leave, and order a milkshake before your meal. It was awesome.

 

 

We went in the fish bubble at L.L. Bean. He loves it. He kept saying "Fisssssssss"

And L.L. Bean had their giant tree up.

The next weekend (December 1st [the night he got his Christmas box]) We went to story time at Barnes & Noble where they did a Christmas craft, and we heard the story of the Grinch.

 

Disregard the black spot on my cheek. I didn't get a face tattoo. I have something stuck IN the lens of my camera phone.

After story time, we were off to meet Santa!

 

He told Santa he wanted a rocking horse for Christmas. Gee, I sure hope he gets one ;)

The following weekend was the city parade. It was freezing, but we bundled up! Toby loves parades because of the marching bands. 

 

There were some interesting folks "dancing" around the area we were standing... wearing what looked like painted on clothes.

We were pretty chilly but, we warmed up at a local diner... Toby ate an entire basket of chicken fingers, fries, and a milkshake. Crazy.

 

Last Wednesday we brought him to the local school's Christmas concert. He loved it. He was so well behaved and sat mesmerized the entire time. (And we're talking about a busy toddler!)

 

Just this past Friday we decided to let him watch Rudolph (the movie we gave him in his Christmas box.) He wore his new Christmas pajamas/robe/slippers and we made a big batch of popcorn. I was really surprised at how well he sat through the movie. He got antsy a few times but we just let him get up and stretch. He ate more popcorn than I care to admit here... but it was a good night!

 

 

Saturday night we brought him to the "Lighted Wonderland" event at Charmingfare Farm. We went on a 25 minute sleigh ride through the farm and wound up at Santa's house where his reindeer live. Toby was beside himself. While it was really chilly, we ended up sticking it out for about an hour and then went home.

And finally, yesterday... Holy snow! Just the excuse we needed to get Toby's sled out of the cellar.

We promised Toby a snowman. Unfortunately, the snow didn't cooperate; it just wasn't snowman snow. We even (pathetically) took out a water bottle and sprayed down the snow. I was pretty bummed. But, on the bright side, we were able to make a snowman-duck. Totally by accident. We were still aiming for a snowman when it came out looking like a duck. So, I had Aaron make a quick beak out of some wood, and I dug out a seat in the back for Toby. He thought it was awesome.

And after dinner we went back outside, lit a fire, and made some s'mores.

I'm just loving the holiday season this year. While we have a couple more surprises for Toby before Christmas, I have to say I have enjoyed every second of the most wonderful time of the year. We are working really hard to make sure we incorporate a lot of activities into the entire season as I'm not really one to do a ton of gifts; I'm more of an "experience" person... and gifts isn't what Christmas is about. So, we are trying to spread things out over the month to really solidify "Family." Aaron and I are constantly keeping our eyes peeled for activities we can do as a family to make the season all the more meaningful.