Countdown to school

Toby has yet to realize the concept of time. For example, if I tell him we're in a hurry and we have somewhere to be with only a short amount of time to get there, he assumes that's a great time to empty the bookshelf. So, something we started to do a while ago to help him understand how time passes (and its value) was to do a countdown.

Now we do countdowns for practically everything.

Okay, I lied, not everything. But, a countdown to vacation, a countdown to Thomas the Train, a countdown to Camp, etc. So, of course we did a countdown to school. With a few added bonuses.

Now, let me premise this by saying two things: 1. I know there are, inevitably, some people who won't agree with what we did. That's cool. Scroll on by; don't stop to rest here. 2. You have to understand that we DO NOT frivolously buy our kid anything whenever he asks. (I usually just anticipate his every need and get him things based on that. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Kind of.) Seriously though, I can count on ONE hand how many times we've left a store with a new toy that he asked for in the spur of the moment. ONE hand in THREE years. I/we do not spoil him with "things." Experiences? Yes. Clothing? Yes. Things? No. Not usually.

So, each night of the countdown, we gave him a gift.

One way we've found Toby understands time is by relating them to how many "sleeps" between points of time. So, 5 days before school started, I made him a countdown. I chose to do it as a countdown to school, versus a countdown to the end of summer (like many people do) because I wanted him to concentrate on a new beginning versus the end of something. I anticipated the transition to school would be tough (and it was/is-- but more on that later) so I really wanted to pump him up to understand that while things were changing and he would lose some things (Nanny, the routine/ease of being home, etc) he would be gaining quite a bit too.

So, here it is.

A few days before we started the countdown, I made him the picture we'll use every year for his countdown. I had it laminated so it won't get ruined over the course of his school career.

5 Sleeps:
 His gift that day was a "Curious George Goes to School" DVD.

4 Sleeps:

His new planetbox. This was what we considered his "big gift." We wanted to give it to him ahead of time so he could practice using it before school started.

We just love it. We got him the planetbox "Rover" with two sets of magnets, the water bottle, carry case, two ice packs, the extra pods and the dinnerware. I love it so much (and so does he.) I was very worried about how well he would eat during his day at school, so this box was just what I needed to challenge me enough to make his lunches "fun." He has always been a grazer, so the thought of him sitting down for 30 minutes to eat versus having access to food all day long gave me so much anxiety. He loves to eat out of this box and asks for "fun lunches" every day.

This was his first day of school lunch. See what I mean? How fun! (I kind of want one!) His Nana even made him little reusable napkins.



3 Sleeps:
I found this super cute book at Barnes & Noble. He's obsessed with the story of "The Gingerbread Man." Now we read this one almost every night.

2 Sleeps:

Often when Toby is driving in the car with one of us, he'll ask for a particular song and many times we can't accommodate his request because the song he wants is on a CD in the other parent's car. So, I burned copies of ALL OF HIS CD's. Every single song. I bought two cases and put one in each of our cars. So now we don't have to say "Oh, I'm sorry that disc is in (Mama or Dada's) car." This was Toby's favorite gift. He showed so much appreciation for it. He said, "Thank you, Mama and Dada. This is just so sweet."

1 sleep (School tomorrow):
Anyone who spends any amount of time with my kid knows he is OBSESSED with two things: Geography and the Presidents of the United States. Obsessed to the point that, at three-years-old, he can probably name about 25 of the presidents and identify an equal number of the states in the U.S. by sight. So naturally, I stocked up on his favorite Dick and Jane crackers. They come in... you guessed it... the Presidents and the United States. Aaron picked him up a puzzle and I snagged two finger puppets at the local toy store. He was so happy!

He also recieved a first day of school card with stickers from my sister-- his Iya! He loves getting mail and this made his night!

 

 

Just before bed he put the puzzle together almost entirely by himself!

First day of School:
Sequence for kids (board game)
Just for good measure (wink wink) we gave him a little something after his first day of school.

So, maybe it was indulgent but as the day loomed closer late this summer, Toby got less excited and more anxious about starting school. This countdown really worked for him to get him excited for school (and it was really fun for us to do, too!)

School.

School. Oh, school. 

Welp, Toby started school and I'm pretty much certifiable. It was so much harder than I had anticipated.

Earlier in the week we went to orientation where he met his teachers (again) met his peers, and found his cubby and mailbox. Before we left he sat down, sighed, looked around and said, "Mama. Dada. I belong here." It was reassuring to hear him say that-- yet every fiber in my body wanted to scoop him up, tuck him under my arm and run screaming from the building.

We sent him off and it felt so right and so wrong at the same time. To get really technical, it was probably one of the top three hardest days of my life, so far. Aaron and I felt so vulnerable watching him walk into the school. 

I haven't thoroughly processed this yet so, I'll just leave you with pictures. (Click to enlarge)

*The pictures below were taken after school. As you can see, he was happy*

I'm sure I'll have much more to say on this topic... when I'm sane.

Kayaking and eye color

Aside from being healthy, I would guess that every parent has hopes for what their child will look like, which features will be passed down, and what their interests will be.

There were two things I really cared about.

Eye color and kayaking.

Seriously.

I mean, did I also want my kid to be cute and smart? Of course. I'm really happy I didn't give birth to an ugly dumb-dumb. But, in all reality, Toby having brown/black eyes and loving to kayak was among the top five things on my wishlist.

I fell in love with kayaking way before it was the cool thing to do. I was introduced to it when I was about 13 years-old and I quickly became obsessed. So, basically that means I've been a kayak-er for over TWENTY years. Sheesh.

My mother bought me my very first kayak. My parents had recently divorced and it was the first Christmas I had with just her. She worked a lot of overtime to be able to buy it for me and it was one of my most "favoritest" gifts ever.

When I met Aaron he thought kayaking was neat but, nothing he had ever really taken an interest in (kind of how I feel about cycling.) I'm lucky that he fell right in love with it. So, we purchased a kayak for him.

Then we had Toby. Obviously I really wanted him to love kayaking, too. So, we purchased a tandem kayak. He sits in the front with me while Aaron paddles us around (tough life.)

Then, Aaron made Toby a special seat in the tandem kayak.

Then, Toby wanted to start sitting in the kayak by himself with Dada.

So, obviously, the next step was to buy Toby his very own.

And he loves it.

Last weekend, Toby kayaked for the first time "all by himself." If you've ever been in a kayak you must know that you don't have to be in amazing physical shape to simply propel yourself through the water using only a paddle. You do, however, need to have a little bit of balance. Well, Toby is three and squirmy but, he held his own paddling along (he was also tethered to Aaron's kayak.) He didn't tip once. He figured it out quickly and tolerated about an hour of kayaking before he wanted to go fishing and have a snack.

I'm one proud Mama.

By the way, in case you were wondering, Toby has brown/black eyes. Soooo, all of his other awesomeness is a total bonus... and I'm two for two.

Vulnerability

The first of August hit me like a ton of bricks. All summer I've been totally fine and even excited about Toby starting school this fall. Until Saturday.

I'm about to get dramatic and mushy... and confusing. Turn back now if you're not up for the ride.

Toby starts school September 1st. As I changed my calendar, it occured to me that this is the last month he has before he starts a long educational career. Yes, I know he's only three. Yes, I know it's only 3 days per week. But, it's school. It's not a baby-sitter. It's not his nanny. It's a school. We had to apply. He had to interview. I had to write a tuition check. He has a dress code.

In a month he will meet peers and classmates he could potentially be with until he is 14-years-old (should he continue pursuing Montessori.) Every single thing we've done with him, since birth, has been measured, intentional, and purposeful. But, in less than a month, we will have little control over his daily activities three days per week.

I'm not looking for an antidote, or a cliche reassuring me that he will do just fine. That he will thrive. That he will be great with his peers. How good it will be for him to get a new experience. I know all of this. That's why we chose to enroll him. He is so ready for something new. We know our kid. He is compassionate. He is thoughtful. He compliments people. He is affectionate. I know he's smart. I also know he will have some struggles adjusting. I'm anticipating that. I'm not concerned about those things. I expect those things.

I'm worried about how I'm going to feel.

Part of me is scared I messed something up... that I/we failed him somehow. I know we all do the best we can. And again, I'm not looking for an antidote; I'm not striving for perfection from anyone, but, allow me to just free associate here.

Once I drop him off, all bets are off. He's subject to the real world. Being bullied, or being a bully. Hearing truths about politics and Santa Claus. I won't get to see his face the first time he solves a math problem. I won't know exactly how much he ate for lunch (yes, my nanny keeps copious notes for me.) I know I currently miss some of these things anyway... but that's not my point. My point is that it's possible nobody will see his face the first time he solves a math problem. It's likely he will throw his lunch away, maybe without anyone checking to see how much he ate. That thought destroys me.

I remember the feeling I had the first time he got up from playing, walked into the bathroom, used the potty, flushed the toilet, washed his hands and then came back to play. It was such a sadness for me. Of course I was happy but, I also had this sinking feeling that my little baby was slipping away.

September 1st makes his growing up feel way more real to me.

I know he's ready for this. I know he will do great. He really is an extraordinary kid. People enjoy being around him. Not only is he ready for this... he needs this. He needs (more) peer interaction. He needs a bit more structure (as much as Montessori offers.) He needs to learn to follow instructions. He also needs to learn social justice, patience, and consequential thinking.

But I'm still sad. And I'm scared. And I'm worried about the world being cruel to my sweet little boy. As much as I know it's important for him to be picked last, ignored by a peer, or disciplined by an instructor... I hate that he will suffer little heartbreaks because of this. Just because they are an important part of growing up doesn't mean I have to like them.

I have so much more to say about this but I don't have the words for it. I'm so incredibly excited for him; for us. I look so forward to seeing what he is interested in and who he turns into while I'm not buzzing around overhead. But, there is still a painful loss in what we'll gain. You know?

In the meantime. While I fluctuate at a diagnostically significant rate between excitement and dread, we're doing everything we can to make this an incredibly memorable summer for him. Memorable as in... zoos, amusement parks, quiet family picnics, helicopter rides and vacations up the wazoo. But, that's for another post.

And, to end this on a positive note. With the exception of his first day of school outfit... which is being custom made as we speak, and a few things that are back-ordered, I have the majority of his school shopping done. That was, quite obviously, the easy part for me.

****Edit: I always title my posts after I write them. As I was thinking of what to call this story, I had several thoughts flood into my mind and I mentally pictured myself holding open my hands to a little baby bird flying out of them. The first word I associated to my mind's picture was "vulnerable." As I typed the word in the header I pondered why I chose that word. When I challenged myself to think deeper into it, I realized that I feel so exposed sending my son out into the world. He is absolutely everything to me. Therefore, I have everything to lose. I take such care and pride in intentionally parenting him that now I'm sending him out into the world... as if to say, "See? See what I made? I'm so very proud of him. This is my creation and I just love him so much. Please be very careful with him."

And that makes me feel incredibly vulnerable.

Teach a boy to fish... and he feeds his parents

Every summer my sister and I would go fishing with our Pepe. Up until my late teens, I can't remember a summer that I didn't go fishing while staying up at camp. Never did I imagine on those hot days, swatting bugs and hooking perch, that years later those would be some of my most precious memories with my sister and my grandfather.

Lately, Toby has become obsessed taken an interest in fishing. Considering we spend so much time at the lake, it only made sense to start him early. Last weekend Toby went fishing for the first "official" time with his Papa and Dada.

On his first haul he brought in 9 white perch. Not too bad, kid. He absolutely loved it and was so happy and proud of the fish he caught for supper.

At the end of the weekend, after returning to New Hampshire, we cooked up his fish and made a big deal out of eating them.

It was such a satisfying experience to watch the boat come back into the dock with my son grinning from ear to ear practically bursting to tell me what he caught. I remember that excitement. It's so odd to think that 20... even 30 years ago, that was me. At the same camp, in the same boat on the same lake. I had no clue that my life would lead me where is has and that my only son, my pride and joy, would have the same expression I probably wore when we pulled up to the shore so many years ago.

While this experience would have been even better if my Pepe had been in the boat with Papa and Dada, I know he would have been proud of his namesake.